


so darkness i became

by perksofbeingabooknerd



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Anger, Angst, Drama, Explicit Language, F/M, Gen, Hate, Heartbreak, Verbal Abuse, angry, guys i'm so sorry this is so depressing, it's hurting me too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perksofbeingabooknerd/pseuds/perksofbeingabooknerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hero Duke runs away after her birthday party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title is a lyric from "Cosmic Love" by Florence + the Machine.  
> i give you dark!hero duke.  
> i give you hero who dyes her hair black, who enlists her enemy's help to run away, who smokes and drinks and gets in fights, all to forget the pain of her past life. i give you hero who chooses darkness and anger, instead of forgiveness and light.  
> as always, I own nothing but my creativity.  
> enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which hero's birthday doesn't exactly go as she'd hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quotes in italics are Facebook comments

 

Hero couldn’t be any happier than she was at this exact moment. All her friends and loved ones were there. She felt like a princess in her blue party dress, and she was touched that Bea and Leo had baked her a cake, instead of the other way around. And of course, Hero was thrilled that she got to celebrate her birthday with Claud. Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

All of a sudden, Claudio was yelling at her and calling her names.

Hero didn’t understand what was happening. What had gotten into Claudio? Why he was saying those awful things to her? Was this all some elaborate, twisted joke? It **had** to be a joke. The Claudio she knew would never do this.

But he **was** saying those awful things. It wasn’t a joke. Hero desperately wished this was some terrible nightmare she was living, but…this was real.

Claudio looked right into her eyes and spat out, “I hate you.” Hero sucked in a breath, feeling like he had just punched her in the stomach. She choked on her tears as he walked past her. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed and let Bea lead her to the couch. Hero’s vision started to blur and she dimly heard a voice booming “Turn that camera off!” And the next thing she knew, she’d passed out on the couch.

* * *

The next morning, Hero woke up to find herself in her own bed. She lay there for a minute, feeling like something was wrong, like something was off, but she couldn’t quite put a finger on it. Then she heard a knock on her door. Beatrice opened it and peeked her head in with a sad smile and a “Morning”. And then it all came rushing back: the yelling, the shame, the betrayal, the crying. Hero felt tears well in her eyes.

“Oh Hero. It’s gonna be okay, I promise,” Bea said softly.

“How is it going to be okay?” Hero replied tearfully. “How…what…why…would he even think that?”

Beatrice perched carefully on the edge of Hero’s bed. “I don’t know, honey”.

Hero pushed herself up and proclaimed, “I didn’t do what he said, Bea, I would never do that. You have to believe me!” 

"Shh shh shh, of course I believe you.” Bea rubbed her shoulder soothingly.

Hero looked at her cousin gratefully. She let out a shaky sigh and leaned her head against the wall. “Thank you.”

Silence.

Beatrice attempted to lighten the mood. “Well, I think we both know what really happened.”

Hero looked at her quizzically.

“Invasion of the body snatchers!”

She smiled weakly; it was just like Bea to try to cheer her up when everything had gone to shit.

Their moment was short-lived, however; all of a sudden Hero’s phone buzzed on the dresser next to her bed. It had to be Claudio. Of course he would apologize; he must have been stressed or worried about something. Why else would he explode on her like that?

Hero reached for her phone, but Beatrice beat her to it.

“Beatrice!”

“I swear, if that asshole has the nerve…Oh no”, Bea began but stopped short when she saw what was written on the screen.

“…Beatrice? What is it? Is it Claudio?”

Beatrice didn’t move. Hero took advantage of her speechlessness and grabbed her phone back. Her screen was filled with Facebook notifications. She vaguely remembered someone shouting something about a camera last night. Oh god. Someone really did take a video of their fight, and. It. Was. On. Facebook.

_Pedro commented: haha way to go Claudio_

_Claudio commented: haha thanks man. she had it coming._

_Cora commented: HA! this is a riot, thanks guys._

Hero could feel the bile rising in her throat. She wanted to throw her phone across the room, but she couldn’t move.

“Hero?”

_“oh my god, I can’t believe Hero Duke cheated on Claudio. What a whore.”_

_“I know, right?”_

_“I always knew she was fake. No one’s that nice all the time.”_

_“everyone knew Robbie was a player, but I can’t believe she was that stupid to hook up with him.”_

_“thanks for the video guys! It gave me a laugh.”_

“Okay that’s enough,” Beatrice finally said, taking the phone from her with controlled movements and placing it back on the dresser. She was almost shaking with anger.

“Beatrice, I…” was all Hero managed to get out before she broke down, the sobs erupting from her.

Bea drew her cousin into her arms and rocked her back and forth. Hero clung to her for dear life and just cried and cried and cried.

“I swear I'll kill him, Hero.”

 

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Beatrice is a fiercely protective mama bear, Verges makes an appearance, and Hero stands up for herself for once in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> many thanks to oh-isthatso on tumblr for letting me use her picture!

 

The notifications just kept coming, and the phone kept buzzing while Hero sobbed her eyes out, until Bea finally shut the damn thing off. She curled up with her cousin and just held her as her sobs gradually lessened. Soon Hero had fallen back to sleep. Thank goodness, Beatrice thought to herself. She hoped that her cousin would cry herself dry and only then would she begin to improve.

Except Hero didn’t improve. She didn’t leave her bed for three days straight, only to use the bathroom. She never spoke a word, at least not to Beatrice or even Leo. She didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep. She _couldn’t_ sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, everything came rushing back. All she could see was Claudio, his face twisted in fury, angry yells exploding out of him. All she could remember was the way he shook her body like it was nothing more than a frail rag doll. All she could feel was the way her heart cracked into a million pieces when he told her he hated her. Like he had ripped her still-beating heart from her chest with his bare hands, then threw it on the ground and stomped on it. Hero absent-mindedly glanced down at her chest now, surprised her body was still intact and whole. How in the world could she still be whole, when her heart was missing? She’d read about heartbreak, and seen it on TV. But now she knew, the books and movies didn’t do it justice. This was the worst feeling to ever exist. Honestly, Hero was just surprised she was still alive and functioning.

At some point Hero had turned her phone back on. She knew it was a bad idea, but she did it anyway. She couldn’t admit that a small part of her was still hoping that this all was just an elaborate sick prank, and that Claudio would text or call her and apologize for being such an asshole.

She had messages and phone calls, alright. But none from him. Prank calls, text messages from countless people, people she didn’t even know. One text in particular caught her eye. It was from Meg. _Is it true?_

Oh, this was just perfect. If Meg didn’t believe her, then who would, apart from Bea? Hero needed all the people she could get on her side. She glanced at her phone, surprised to see more texts from Meg.

_You’re not answering. It must be true._

_How could you?_

_I thought you were my friend. Friends don’t sleep with their boyfriends._

_FUCK YOU._

Suddenly her phone flew across the room and slammed against the wall. It took a moment for Hero to realize that she had thrown it. Looking back, she knew this was the beginning of the end.

Beatrice, of course, was always hovering. Hero didn’t want to speak to anybody, let alone her own cousin, so she feigned sleep whenever Bea came into the room. She would often hear Bea outside, sometimes pacing, and other times talking to Ben. Yes, Hero knew Ben was around. She could hear his voice outside her door. The two would speak in hushed tones, but she could hear them. She wasn’t stupid. Their stupid Team Love Gods plan obviously hadn’t worked quickly enough. Of course Bea and Ben would finally get closer now that everything had gone to shit.

Hero knew that despite all this, despite the fact that she was hurting more than she’d ever hurt in her life, she should be happy for Beatrice. Ben was there to comfort her.

But she wasn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to feel Bea’s happiness. She couldn’t feel anything these days, really. Nothing but a quiet anger inside her. It was lodged in the deepest part of her, but it was there. And it was growing, slowly but surely. Hero figured she should be afraid of what would happen when the anger exploded, but strangely, she welcomed it. Being angry was better than doing nothing; it was better than faking a smile and pretending that everything was alright. Feeling angry was better than feeling this broken and destroyed. Hero could survive with this anger.

She didn’t know how much time had passed since she threw her phone at the wall. Was it hours or days? Hero only knew it was daytime because of the light streaming in her window. She found herself in the kitchen without even realizing that she’d left her room and walked down the stairs. She felt parched, so she grabbed a glass and filled it with water, gulping it quickly.

Hero glanced over to the living room to see Ben and Bea sitting on the couch, talking quietly. Thankfully, they didn’t see her, so she was able to overhear their conversation.

“…should just talk to them,” Ben said.

“NO. Just no, Ben, there’s been enough talking here,” Bea gestured between the two of them. “All we do is talk, and nothing is getting done.”

Ben sighed exasperatedly, loud enough for Hero to hear.

“Okay, well, what do you want to do?”

“I want to know why that fuckface said all those things about her, and I want to know why he’s still walking free.”

Ben said nothing, but Beatrice must’ve seen something in his expression to realize something.

“You…know why, don’t you? You were hanging out with him practically 24/7 before Hero’s party. You were, weren’t you?? Ben, I swear to God, if you know something, you better tell me right now,” Bea threatened.

Ben threw up his hands. “Okay, okay! I’ll tell you. But don’t bite my head off.”

Beatrice just looked at him, waiting. He took a moment to choose his words.

“Claudio sort of thought…okay well not sort of, he definitely thought…that, er, that Hero was…cheating on him,” he finished.

There was silence. 

“But why-?”

The glass slipped between Hero’s fingers and smashed to pieces on the floor, startling Ben and Beatrice. They twisted their heads to see her standing as still as the night air, the blood drained from her face.

“Hero!” Beatrice hastily left the couch to attend to her cousin, closely followed by Ben. She took her arm and gently pulled her away from the broken glass.

Hero hoarsely managed, “Well that explains a few things.”

Bea and Ben shared a worried look while she rubbed Hero’s shoulder. “Honey, you weren’t supposed to hear any of that. How are you doing?”

Hero laughed loudly, almost to keep herself from crying. She was actually surprised her eyes could still produce tears, considering how much of her days were spent sobbing.

“How do you think I’m doing?”

“Okay, fair enough”, Beatrice shrugged helplessly.

A moment passed. Hero caught the look Bea gave Ben, the look that said “Should she be hearing this?” She couldn’t explain why fury suddenly rose up inside her.

“Why are you acting like I’m so fragile?” Hero said quietly, trying to keep her voice from rising. Her fists were clenched; she could feel the anger coming back and it was getting stronger. How dare they coddle her, how dare they treat her like a child? Did they think she couldn't handle it?

Beatrice looked at her, wide-eyed. “Hero, I…I just hate seeing you like this. I’ve never seen you cry this much in my life. I don’t want to hurt you more by talking about…him.”

“I’m already hurt!” Hero yelled at her cousin, who flinched. Ben instinctively moved closer to Bea, as if to protect her. She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as her eyes flickered down. She took a breath. “I deserve to know, Beatrice. It’s my life that’s ruined, not yours.”

Bea sucked in a breath, but before she could say anything, the doorbell rang.

“Leo’s not supposed to be back for hours,” Bea murmured confusedly.

“I’ll see who it is,” Ben told her, heading toward the door.

It was Verges, for once not attached to Dogberry’s hip. She announced herself with a timid “Hello”, and glanced at Hero, unsure of how to greet her. She settled for a tentative smile.

“Hello, Hero,” Verges begin. “So glad to see you’re doing better! I, er, tried to visit you before, but Beatrice wouldn’t let me. Which, which I completely understand, and respect!”

Hero knew she should be glad to see the young girl. She knew she should thank Verges for coming to see her. But instead she replied, “Who says I’m doing better?”

Verges’ smile faltered a bit. “Right, right, so true. That’s to be expected since, well, since what happened at your party. Which, by the way, I am so sorry about, Hero, that really wasn’t very nice of Claudio-”

Hero flinched at the mention of his name, which Bea noticed. She cut Verges off and said impatiently, “Okay not to be rude, but what exactly are you doing here?”

“Oh! Oh yes, of course, silly me, of course I did come here for something. Ha, so sorry to have wasted your time so far, see I just talk quite a lot when I get nervous, and it’s a terrible habit, I know, but—yes, okay, getting to the point. Erm. Hero, I know Cl—I know a certain someone really made you look quite bad at your party. And, it’s been a week since, and no one’s seen you around, so I thought maybe you were quite upset by it all.” Verges paused.

Hero shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, so…what did you come here for?”

“Right, right. Erm. Dogberry and I caught something on camera one day while we were filming a video, something quite scandalous, I think. We are—that is to say, myself and Dogberry—not quite sure what to make of it. But it involved you, Hero, and I think it might have involved…a certain someone as well.”

The three of them just stared at Verges.

“Yes, I know it all sounds very confusing, but I think it’s important. It must be important. See, this video has plan-discussing, evil plan-discussing! And, and exchanging of money, and..I think it might help make things better,” Verges concluded. She’d said what she wanted to say. She stood there and waited for Ben and the Dukes to make the next move.

Hero didn’t think that Verges was spouting nonsense. She knew Verges, she’d grown up with the girl. She wouldn’t make something like this up. Hero looked at Beatrice to gauge her reaction. Her cousin remained lost in thought, while Ben waited patiently for her to act.

Bea looked at Ben. “It might help clear her name. If there was some sort of plan. Maybe it would explain things.”

“Maybe,” Ben agreed. “It certainly wouldn’t hurt. But, what about…?”

They both looked at Hero with worry written on their faces. Hero crossed her arms. “What? You mean, what about me?”

“Honey, it’s just, we don’t know what’s in this video. We don’t want you to be upset, is all,” Beatrice explained.

“Oh, so it’s we, now, is it?” Hero retorted bitterly.

Beatrice frowned at her cousin. “You’re not watching the video, Hero, end of discussion,” she said firmly.

“Like hell I’m not!”

“Hero…”

“No! It’s my life. It’s my decision. I think I have the right to know why I was fucked over.”

Beatrice had never heard her cousin swear in her life, until now. She was too shocked to form a response. Ben nudged her.

“I hate to say it, Bea, but…she’s right,” he pointed out.

“Ben, what are you even saying? This could be so damaging to her, and you’re just going to let it happen?”

Hero grew tired of the bickering and appealed to Verges. “Let me see it.” The young girl nodded grimly and asked for the nearest available computer. Hero led her to Bea’s laptop, which rested on the kitchen table.

“Hero, I hope you know I don’t like this,” Bea said, following her.

“I don’t care,” she replied, pushing the laptop towards Verges, who promptly sat down and opened it.

“Password? No password?”

“No password.”

Verges quickly pulled up Youtube.com, and logged in. “It’s on Ursula’s channel,” she explained. She looked through the list of videos until she found one titled “A Scandal in Messina”.

Verges looked at Hero. “Just press play whenever you’re ready.”

Hero obliged, and the first thing she saw was John and Robbie. She couldn’t remember ever seeing them interact or hang out. What were they doing together?

“Did it work?” Robbie asked, to which John replied, “We’ll see.” He told Robbie that he did well and that there was more to do. Then he handed him a roll of dollar bills. Why did John give him money? Did he owe him? Did he pay Robbie for something? Hero didn’t understand, but she kept watching.

Then John left, and Cora Anderson showed up. She asked what the plan was. Hero turned to Verges and said, “What exactly are they all talking about?”

“Just watch.”

Hero returned her attention to the computer screen. Cora suggested, “Maybe Meg would like to know.” Wait, Meg? What did she have to do with this?

“You’re not telling Meg,” Robbie said firmly.

“Well you’re right, I’m not. Unless…you wanna tell me?”

“You’re blackmailing me.”

“Glad you finally caught on!”

They stared each other down.

“He won’t tell you,” Robbie told her.

“You know, it’s cute that you think this is your little secret,” Cora shot back at him with a trace of venom in her voice. Robbie was quiet again.

“I hooked up with Meg as Hero,” he said. Hero recoiled. Wait, what?? He did what? Her thoughts swirled around in her head, and as a result, she almost missed Robbie’s next words.

“…the plan. I went round to her place, went in the back door, Hero’s light came on, and…”

“And it looked like you two were getting it on,” Cora finished. “And Meg went along with this?”

Hero was furious at Meg for doing this to her, for helping Robbie screw her over. How dare she? What had she ever done to Meg? At that moment, Hero could not feel gladder that Meg had dropped her as a friend. Good riddance, she thought.

Robbie continued, “You’re missing the best bit.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“Claud and Pedro were watching the whole thing.” He laughed, and the video ended.

Hero remained still in her chair. Beatrice and Ben were looking at her with concern, and Verges stared down at the tabletop, waiting for Hero’s next move.

“Hero, are you alright?” Bea asked tentatively.

Hero gathered her thoughts. “I’m fine,” she murmured, and swiftly rose up from her chair to return to her room. "Thank you, Verges," she added. The young girl nodded at her.

She ignored Bea’s call asking if she wanted to talk about it.

She walked into her room and locked the door. The last thing Hero needed was more interference and more concern from her cousin, or anyone really. She needed to be alone to process her thoughts. Only, she didn’t quite know where to start, so she decided to establish what she knew now by watching the video.

Okay, so John praised Robbie at doing a good job of, well, something. He gave Robbie money, presumably for said job. Cora and Robbie were talking about a plan. A plan Robbie knew about, and that Cora wanted to know about as well. Hero gathered that Robbie meant John when he told Cora that “he won’t tell you”. But he wasted no time in telling Cora what he had done. It didn’t make sense. Why would Robbie have sex with Meg, pretending it was Hero? Why would he have sex in her room, of all places? That was just all kinds of disturbing. Her insides churned at the very thought, and she was glad she hadn’t eaten that day, otherwise everything would’ve come back up. But Hero still didn’t know why the hell Claudio was even there?

Hero’s head was still clouded, but there were two things she was absolutely sure of.

One: Claudio believed she had cheated on him with Robbie because he was led to believe so.

Two: Claudio may have destroyed her, but she knew without a doubt that John was behind all this. Whatever reasons he had for it, John was the mastermind behind the plan to trick Claudio into believing Hero had cheated on him.

Hero grabbed her pillow and screamed into it for a full minute. God, what an idiot she’d been! What an idiot he’d been! How could she have not noticed his moodiness in the days before her party? How could she not have realized something was wrong? And how could he have believed that about her? He knew her, or so she thought. She hated Claudio for so readily believing a deception, rather than his own girlfriend.

She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve John’s cruelty and malice, but she hated him too. Did he know what was going to happen? Did he plan for Hero to get caught in the middle? He did, she realized. She was the unknowing pawn in his evil plan.

Hero cursed her good nature and her innocence. She hated that she was used to make her boyfriend think she was cheating on him. She hated that her love and her goodness were thrown back in her face. She hated that Claudio chose to believe she was fake. How could he even think that for a second? He knew her, he spent all that time with her. Hero was always real with him; she never pretended at anything. And even after all that, if he still thought she was hiding behind a mask, then Hero didn’t know anymore. Maybe he was right. She just didn’t know anymore.

All she knew was that she hated John, more and more with every second. She hated that he had done all this. She could feel the anger growing and growing, more so than she’d ever felt before. It wanted out. Hero wanted to slap John in the face so hard that his cheek turned red and his knees buckled. She wanted to push him down into a chair and shake him by the shoulders, yelling in his face until he cowered in fear. She wanted to tower over him, instead of the other way around.

Hero couldn’t stand this. She couldn’t hole herself up in her room anymore. She couldn’t be in her own house. She just couldn’t. Slowly a seed of an idea began to sprout in her mind. It was an idea she needed help with. And Hero couldn’t even stand the thought, but she knew she had to talk to John. She was going to need him.

She stood up from her bed and picked up her battered phone off the dresser. She scrolled through her contacts, clicked on one, and hit “dial”. She lifted the phone to her ear and after a few moments, it stopped ringing.

“Hello?”

“It’s Hero. We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one: i had a hard time getting verges' voice right, but i think i did a decent job. what do you think? feedback is welcome so i can more accurately write her in the future.  
> two: just to be clear, hero is mad at meg bc she believes that meg knowingly went along with the plan to trick claudio into thinking hero cheated on him. at this point nobody knows john's real reasons for concocting the plan, all they know is what they saw in "Scandal in Messina", that John paid Robbie off to pretend to have sex with Hero. and as a result, hero thinks that john did all this to screw her over.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Hero faces her enemy, dyes her hair black, and boards a bus to a far away city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) thanks again to oh-isthatso.tumblr.com for letting me use her picture, and to wibbelkind.tumblr for editing it  
> 2) the beginning of this chapter takes place directly after Hero's phone call with John (implied) in the previous chapter  
> 3) possible trigger warnings: foul language, swearing, mention of panic attack, etc.

Hero hung up the phone and started thinking, the gears whirring in her head. If she was going to pull this off, she was going to have to avoid suspicion, especially from Bea. This meant pretending again. It meant pretending she was okay about watching the video, and okay with knowing the horrible truth. Hero didn’t like it, but she was no stranger to faking a smile. She was confident that she could easily convince Beatrice she was alright. After all, she knew the truth now. Everyone would know that she was innocent. And while Beatrice and Ben would work on getting the truth out, Hero would work on her plan.

If she managed to pull this off, she would never have to pretend again. She relied on that thought to strengthen her resolve. She took a deep breath to steady herself, knowing that Bea would appear to check on her any minute.

And sure enough, there came a knock at her door a few seconds later. _Like fucking clockwork_ , Hero thought. Her cousin peered in, hesitantly. She didn’t have to ask Hero how she was; her face answered the question for her.

“I’m fine, Bea, really,” Hero blurted out hastily. If she said it quickly, maybe Beatrice wouldn’t see the lie. If she said it quickly, maybe she wouldn’t break down or falter in her words. She offered a smile.

Beatrice sank down onto the bed next to her. They sat in silence together for a minute.

“I don’t even know what to say,” she murmured.

“At least we know why he acted like that. Why he…thought that about me.”

Bea scoffed. “Yeah, but I’m still wondering why the hell John would even come up with this whole thing in the first place?”

Hero quickly stifled the burst of rage that crept up her throat. “I don’t know.” _But it doesn’t matter. Everything’s ruined now._

Bea turned to her. "Are you sure you’re alright? Do you…wanna talk about it? I mean, that can’t have been easy to hear. I know if that was me, I would be-"

Hero looked at her sharply. “But it wasn’t you,” she spit out. Beatrice’s face fell.

Hero didn’t regret speaking to her cousin that harshly, exactly. She regretted that she was showing too much emotion, when she’d vowed to keep it all in. She shook her head, as if to shake free the bad thoughts.

“I’m sorry.” Bea nodded, eyes on the ground. Hero placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m alright. Really. You know the truth now.”

“Hero, it’s just- “ Beatrice glanced at her with pain in her eyes, but Hero didn’t notice. “You’re my baby cousin. You’ve always been so vulnerable. All I’ve done is try to protect you, but obviously that didn’t work. I can’t just sit here and watch you hurt over this. I just can’t.”

Hero wanted to glare at her cousin. She wanted to grip her shoulders tightly and yell in her face that it wasn’t up to her. It never was. She was a big girl. She wasn’t some weakling Beatrice had to protect. Maybe she wanted to hurt. It would give her the strength to survive.

But instead she rubbed Bea’s back soothingly. “I’ll be okay, cuz.” Bea glanced up and gave her a watery smile.

She stood up slowly and said, “Well, I’ll be downstairs if you need me”.

“Okay.” Hero made sure that her features were arranged in a friendly expression.

It wasn’t until Bea had closed the door that Hero realized her fists were clenched so tightly her nails were piercing her skin.

Now all she had to do was wait.

* * *

 

There was a full moon that night. Hero reckoned she didn’t need a flashlight where she was going. She waited until she was sure that Bea was asleep, then quietly and carefully edged her window open and slipped out.

It didn’t take her long to reach the small playground she’d instructed John to meet her at. It was the first spot she’d thought of. She and Beatrice had spent many a summer day here when they were kids, running around the jungle gym and digging holes in the sandbox.

 _It’s been years_ , Hero thought to herself as she sunk down into a swing. She’d missed this place. She missed all the memories she made here, all the fun she’d had with her cousin. Being here meant freedom. It meant laughter, it meant peace, it meant love. It meant throwing all your cares and worries away, at least for a few hours. Hero missed being a kid. She missed not having anything to worry about. She missed it so much it she ached inside.

God, when did everything get so fucked up? Hero couldn’t decide if all the decisions she’d made this year ended up to the point where everything changed. Or maybe it was just the universe fucking with her. Oh look, it’s Hero Duke. The girl who believed in sunshine and always had a kind word for everyone. She’s happy with her life. Let’s change that. Let’s turn everything upside down.

Hero clenched the swing ropes and stared straight ahead of her, musing. It wasn’t enough that she’d had her heart broken. Her whole outlook on life and on people had changed. She couldn’t be that happy-go-lucky girl anymore, no matter how hard she tried. Any semblance of innocence or purity had been ripped away from her soul when Claudio turned on her. She could wish it hadn’t turned out this way, but it was useless. Decisions had been made and relationships had been severed. There was no going back. Life didn’t stop or change or accommodate for anyone. She had to adapt now to survive.

Soon she heard the sound of tires crunching over gravel. She lifted her head up and watched him pull up in front of the playground. He got out of the car and walked slowly over to her. Hero kept her eyes on his face. She was only slightly satisfied that he had the decency to look ashamed.

“Hero,” he greeted her quietly.

“John.” She didn’t move or offer a smile. She didn’t smile for anyone those days, let alone John Donaldson. He didn’t even deserve to be standing in front of her, but Hero needed him, even though she wouldn’t admit it out loud.

Hero took her time choosing her words. Ever since she realized what he’d done to her, she had pictured this moment over and over in her head. How he would look at her with shame and regret in his eyes, and how she would rip him apart with her words the same way Claudio had done to her. She knew hurting her enemy wouldn’t make her feel better. It wouldn’t quell the anger. But she didn’t care; she had to do it.

Even now, her fantasy was coming alive. John kept his distance from her, but not so much that they were within shouting distance. He didn’t speak. He kept fidgeting with his hands and his car keys. He couldn’t even look her in the eye, and when their gazes did meet, it was only for a second. She could only imagine how awkward he must feel, that coward. _Good_ , she thought grimly.

“You’re lucky I’m not screaming in your face right now,” Hero said flatly. She rose up from the swing.

John looked up from the ground, his mouth turned down into a frown. “Hero, I—"

"Save it.” Hero didn’t need his pity.

His eyebrows knotted together and he stepped closer to her. “Look, I’m, I’m sorry for what happened to you. But it was never about you, okay?”

“BULLSHIT,” Hero yelled, seething inside. “It was all about me! Everything! The plan, the party, everything. I don’t know what I ever did to you to make you hate me.”

“No, I—"

She backed away, looking up at him with a fierce gaze. “It doesn’t matter. Believe it or not, I’m not here to yell at you.”

John remained silent, his hands in his pockets. She continued.

“I’m running away. And you’re going to help me.”

He shot an incredulous glance at her. “You’re not serious.”

“I am.”

“Hero, that’s a bad idea, and this is coming from me.”

“I don’t care, John. I can’t stay here anymore,” Hero pleaded.

“I don’t think—"

“No! You fucking owe me!” She cried out, her voice brittle.

John ran his hands through his hair and stepped back, studying her. “You’re absolutely sure?”

“Yes.”

“What about Beatrice?”

“She’s part of the reason why.”

John didn’t speak for a few minutes, then sighed. “Okay. But on one condition.”

Hero sneered at him. “You’re not in any position to be calling the shots here. I am.”

“You wouldn’t last one day on your own,” he shot back. She just folded her arms and stared at him stonily.

He shrugged and turned to walk back to his car. “Alright, good luck then.”

Panic rose up inside Hero. She hadn’t planned for this. She’d just assumed he would feel guilty enough to say yes. He was right—she wouldn’t make it on her own. She’d never done anything like this. She’d only gone on camping trips with her mums and Leo a few times, and she was never alone. God, she’d never even taken a self-defense class before.

John was only a few steps away from his car. _It’s now or never._

“Wait!” Hero called out desperately, rushing towards him. He stopped and slowly faced her, a hint of a smirk on his face. She lowered her eyes to the ground, unable to speak the words to his face.

“What’s the condition?”

“That I go with you.”

Hero’s head shot up, daggers in her eyes. “Like hell you are,” she spit out quickly.

“It’s the least I could do,” he said simply.

She was wasting time. She had to get back to the house in case Bea woke up and decided to check on her.

“Fine. But we leave tomorrow night. You’re buying the bus tickets.”

John’s smirk grew. “Where do you want to go?”

Hero shrugged. “I don’t care. Somewhere far.”

“Done,” he nodded and opened the door. “Remember my condition, Hero.”

She rolled her eyes, already dreading the hours she would have to spend with him on the bus.

“There’s one more thing I want to do before.”

“And what’s that?”

“Meet me in front of my house tomorrow and you’ll see. Bring toilet paper, and lots of it,” was all Hero said before she turned and walked away. She heard John chuckle behind her as he got in the car and drove away.

She hurried back to the house and quietly snuck back in, closing the window shut. She kicked off her shoes and nudged them under the bed, then removed the pillows she’d placed under the sheets before she left. She crawled into bed and feigned sleep. A few minutes later, she heard the door open. Hero couldn’t help but feel glad that she hadn’t resigned herself to a life of constantly being checked on and worried over.

* * *

 

The next morning, Hero acted as normally as she could around Beatrice. She smiled, she made tea, she talked about senseless things with her. But she was dying inside. She could barely keep up the pretense anymore. But she had to, for just 12 more hours.

Hero waited to carry out her remaining tasks until Bea left to run errands. The first thing she had to do was visit the bank, where she proceeded to clear out her savings account. She didn’t know how much money she would need for things like food or clothes, but she figured she should bring all of it. She would just guard it carefully. Very carefully.

The second thing Hero did was buy the first box of black hair dye she spotted at the salon store. It cost all of ten dollars, and the label said “permanent”. Wonderful.

The third thing she did was grab a carton of eggs. Those, she couldn’t wait to use.

She made sure Bea wasn’t home when she returned. She hid the box of hair dye and the egg carton in the back of her closet. She rummaged around in her things until she found a sturdy, inconspicuous looking backpack. She grabbed several pairs of socks and underwear and stuffed them inside. Then she hurried downstairs and snuck a few snacks from the pantry. Hero wasn’t quite sure what runaways packed to bring with them, if anything at all.

When she’d packed a few more items, Hero stashed the backpack under her bed and logged onto Facebook. If Bea were there, she would’ve thought it was a terrible idea and taken the computer away from her. Of course she would want to protect Hero from all the horrible things people were saying about her. But it wasn’t her fight.

Hero just wanted to delete her account, that was all. She ignored all the notifications and messages she had, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the first thing that popped up on her newsfeed.

It was a picture of Claudio. A smirking Claudio. With another girl by his side. The caption read “Upgraded to a new model, my old one was faulty.”

Hero couldn’t move, breathe, or speak for five full seconds. All of a sudden it all came rushing back. The hurt, the anger, the sorrow. She felt all of it at once, and she couldn’t breathe, and she couldn’t think. In that moment, she couldn’t decide who she hated more, John or her ex-boyfriend. She chose the latter.

She slammed her laptop shut, struggling to keep her breathing even. The last thing she needed was to have another panic attack.

With calm movements, Hero picked up her phone and texted John.

_Meet me in twenty. Bring the toilet paper._

She slipped it into her pocket and retrieved the egg carton from her closet. She hadn’t heard the front door open yet, so she figured Bea was still gone. This was working out better than Hero had thought it would.

Fifteen minutes later, she looked up to see John’s car pulling to a stop in front of her driveway. She hurried inside before any of the neighbors would see her. He nodded at her, stepping on the gas pedal.

“This was all I had,” he said, gesturing toward a plastic bag in front of Hero.

“Great.”

John glanced over at her. “Where to?”

“ _His_ house.”

“Who?”

Hero just looked at him, but it wasn’t until he saw the egg carton in her lap that John put two and two together.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she replied quietly, turning her head to stare out the window.

 

It turned out John had no problem with vandalizing Claudio’s house. He hated the guy almost as much as he hated his brother. So Hero instructed him to throw rolls of paper as high as he could. On the roof, in the trees, wherever. Hero took it upon herself to hurl eggs at the mailbox, the car, the front door, wherever she could aim, really. They didn’t spend more than five minutes there, for fear of being caught. But miraculously, no one came out to yell at them and there were no threats of calling the cops. They drove off when they had run out of ammo, both feeling a little exhilarated.

“That felt good,” Hero admitted.

John hummed in agreement, but he couldn’t ignore the sadness in her eyes. They rode in silence for a few minutes.

“So, what time is the bus leaving?” Hero questioned.

“11 o’clock.”

“Alright then.”

More silence.

“My house is coming up, just park here,” Hero said, getting out of the car. She walked down the street without another word.

John tried not to let it bother him that much.

* * *

 

Considering it was her last meal with her cousin and brother, Hero wasn’t feeling all that sentimental about it. She kept a pleasant look on her face all through dinner and didn’t even bat an eyelash when Bea cautiously mentioned that she’d heard Claudio’s house was egged.

“Huh,” was all she’d remarked. Bea seemed relieved; Leo didn’t even look at her. He’d remained silent almost the entire time. Hero had scarcely spoken to or seen him ever since the party, and she couldn’t say she was upset about it either.

After they cleared the table, Leo disappeared out the door, murmuring something about getting drinks with “the guys”. Hero couldn’t even work up the energy to say goodbye to him in her head.

“You wanna watch a movie?” Bea asked. “Your pick.”

Hero stretched her arms and faked a yawn. “Not tonight, I’m pretty tired. It’s been a long day.”

Bea furrowed her brow. “Yeah, it has actually.” She covered a yawn of her own.

Hero offered a tight-lipped smile. “Bedtime for me. Night!”

“Night, Hero, sleep well.”

Hero waited in her room until she heard Beatrice’s door close. She dragged out the backpack and the box of hair dye from the closet and set them on the bed. She couldn’t think of anything else to pack until she remembered the pocketknife she’d given Leo for his birthday last year.

Slipping into his room quietly, Hero couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony—she was taking back the gift she gave him and claiming it as her own. _It’s the least you could do after being such a shitty brother_. She opened a few drawers before she found the knife, then made sure everything looked as it did before she had entered. She returned to her room and stashed it in her jeans pocket. Hero felt a bit safer then, knowing she had some form of protection once she was out there on her own. She didn’t think about John, or the fact that he would be accompanying her. Once they reached their destination, she fully planned on ditching him and finding her own place to crash.

Hero wanted to throw Bea, or anyone who would try to look for her, off the trail. Way off the trail. It was the only way she wouldn’t be found. Which was why she’d decided not to change out of today’s outfit or dye her hair until she was ready to leave for the station. She couldn’t help but feel smug that they would be looking for a small blonde traveling on her own, instead of a brunette in a hoodie.

Hero ignored the slight shaking in her hands as she opened up her laptop for the last time. She wanted to get the hell out of there, but she had to wait just a bit longer. She found it fitting that her goodbye note would be in the form of a video. _No more “vlog cousins”, now._

She pressed record and stared stonily into the camera for a second, then began. “If you’re watching this, I’m already gone.”

Pause.

“I had to get away. I had to leave. Don’t blame yourself, Beatrice. This is just something I need to do.”

Hero ran a hand through her hair and glanced toward the door. “Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay on my own. I’ll let you know when I’m safe.”

The look on her face hardened. “Don’t look for me because I don’t want to be found. I’ll see you again someday.”

She ended the video and dragged it onto the desktop so Beatrice would find it whenever she got the idea to get on her computer to look for leads. She shut the laptop and grabbed the box of hair dye, quietly heading into the bathroom.

Hero stared at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t believe how hard she used to try to uphold her image, the image others had projected onto her. She had to be “practically perfect in any way”, because that’s what everyone saw her as, and the old Hero hated disappointing anybody. So she tried to meet their expectations. _A lot of good that did_ , she thought bitterly.

She was sick of her reflection. She was sick of her long, sleek, polished hair. She wanted it gone. She wanted to be messy and unkempt. So with a huff, she grabbed a pair of scissors from the cabinet and quickly snipped off chunks of her hair until it reached her shoulders. Then she followed the instructions on the box, and ten minutes later her hair was a rich black color. Hero took only a few seconds to study her reflection to make sure she looked different enough. She ran the tap until all the hair in the sink disappeared, then placed the scissors back. Grabbing the box, she slipped back into her room and promptly changed out of her clothes into a plain black hoodie that she never wore because it wasn’t “girly” enough. She took off her necklace and put it in a drawer. Grabbed her phone off the dresser and deleted both the text and call to John. The last thing Hero did was place pillows under her blankets, like she did the previous night. She surveyed the room.

Everything was taken care of. She was ready. Hero shouldered the backpack, put her sneakers on, and left her room, taking the box with her. She chose not to open Bea’s door to look at her one last time. She didn’t need to.

Once she was out of the house, Hero half jogged, half walked down the street. She dropped the box of hair dye in a trash bin two houses away. She didn’t let herself feel excited yet. She wouldn’t breathe until she got on that bus.

Thankfully the station was only a mile away by foot, and she spotted John right away. He, too, wore a backpack and lingered by a row of buses. As soon as he saw her, he walked over to meet her. No smiles or hellos, just glances exchanged. If he was surprised at her altered appearance, he didn’t show it.

“You have the tickets?” Hero asked.

John held them up. “Right here.”

He handed her one. She allowed herself a small smile. “Great.”

They both looked toward the bus, waiting for its last passengers.

“Ready?”

She rolled her eyes and pushed past him to board the bus. The driver didn’t give them a second glance and just waved them on.

“You’re not sitting with me,” Hero hissed over her shoulder at John as they walked down the aisle.

“Everywhere else is full, Duke,” he retorted, searching for an empty seat. She huffed in annoyance as they plopped down into the last remaining seats, in the very back. He just smirked at her and said, “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

“Shut up, John,” Hero muttered as she glared out the window. The driver shut the doors and drove away from the station. She watched the scene pass her by as the bus picked up speed. They were on the run. Hero allowed herself to breathe again.

She waited several minutes until she asked, “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere far.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. so sorry it's taken me forever to finish and post this next chapter. i'm terrible. but hope you liked it!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Hero and John reach their destination and stay the night at a sketchy hostel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: foul language, sexual harrassment, violence, smoking
> 
> i'm so sorry. it just gets darker from here.

It wasn’t until Hero glanced at the ticket in her hand that she discovered they were traveling to Wellington. Bea’s hometown. _Wonderful_.

But it was a big city. It’d take a long time to find her.

She spent the first hour staring out the window to avoid talking to John. Towns and houses rushed past her, but she saw none of them.

The next hour was spent staring at the seat in front of her. She could see John looking at her every now and then out of the corner of her eye, but she ignored him. She may have had to sit with him, but she sure as hell didn’t have to talk to him. There was nothing she wanted to say, anyway.

But finally, Hero caved. If she spent another moment bearing the weight of his gaze, she thought she would scream.

Still staring straight ahead, Hero said flatly, “Stop staring at me.”

“I’m not staring at you.”

Hero turned her gaze on John, narrowing her eyes. “It’s bad enough that we’re sharing a row, I don’t need you watching me like a hawk.”

John looked away and leaned back into his seat. “I was just trying to figure out what’s going on in your head.”

She stared at him, a sneer on her face. “It’s none of your fucking business.”

He just looked at her coolly, unfazed. Hero felt that familiar wave of rage inside her.

"You know, making eye contact with you is awful. It’s like having ice dropped down the back of my shirt,” Hero spit out.

“What?” John let out a surprised chuckle.

“I just, I can’t stand looking at you anymore.” Hero turned her gaze back to the window.

"Okay…why are you telling me this exactly?"

She didn’t look at him. "I just wonder, like, when did you work out you were a soulless monster, or is the path still ahead of you?"

"Have you looked in a mirror lately? No light in your bright blue eyes either,” John shot back. Hero scoffed.

Silence. And then came a quiet “Definitely not the same Hero Duke.”

Hero whirled around to face him, her eyes blazing. “Fuck you.”

If he was shaken by her response, he didn’t show it.

 

“Hero. Hero!”

She didn’t even realize she’d fallen asleep.

“What?” Hero snapped at him. Her cheeks were wet.

“I think you were having a nightmare.”

All of a sudden the dream came rushing back, and with it, the memories of that night. Hero shoved them aside roughly, and refused to even think his name. She wiped her face clean, relieved to feel the familiar rush of anger again. She was angry, so angry. Not because she’d had another debilitating nightmare. That she could handle. What she wasn’t okay with was the fact that her enemy was sitting right next to her, and he’d witnessed the entire thing. He’d seen her weak.

“I’m fine,” she said harshly.

“Great.” John turned away, the bored look back on his face.

The hours until their arrival to Wellington couldn’t pass quickly enough.

 

Hero kept her eyes open for the rest of the bus ride, no matter how numbingly bone-tired she was. She didn’t want to feel weak again.

The minute they stepped off the bus and emerged into the bustling crowd of Wellington, Hero’s mind started whirring. She hadn’t planned on staying with John once they reached their destination. It was bad enough spending 11 straight hours with the guy. Hero had to find a way to ditch him. The most opportune time. A split second when he wasn’t looking maybe. She was small, she could easily hide away in the crowd. He would never find her. And after that, she would think of a new game plan.

But Hero never got that chance, much to her annoyance. John wouldn’t leave her side, his hand almost always on her back. It was like he knew what she was going to do. She wanted to scream at him.

“Now what?” John asked, looking down at her. Hero kept her gaze on the scene in front of them. They hadn’t walked too far away from the station, but the area was still bustling. People walking quickly in opposite directions. A tall marble fountain in a courtyard to their left, water gushing out in streams. A strip of buildings on the sidewalk opposite them. Children laughing, dogs barking. What was she going to do?

“I don’t know,” Hero answered slowly, desperately searching for a way out. If she bolted now, he would catch up with her in a flash, all too easily. She could send him on an errand. It was a long night, they could both use something to eat and a cup of coffee. But she would be gone before he could walk in the store.

“How about something to eat?” He suggested.

Hero dared to take her chance. “Sure, I’m starving. Why don’t you get something from the deli over there, and I can grab a map.”

“Why, so you can run?”

Shit. He knew. Hero glared at him, only to be rewarded with an all-knowing smirk. “It’s a stupid move, anyway. You won’t last a day here without me, Hero. Trust me.”

“And why should I do that?”

John shook his head. “Listen, Wellington is a big city. Neither of us know our way around. Neither of us know what’s waiting around the corner. People here don’t take kindly to runaways. You can’t trust anyone.”

Hero eyed him. “And how would you know so much about navigating big cities?”

He started walking, pulling Hero along with him. She opened her mouth to protest, but he beat her to it. “I’m from London, remember?”

Right.

Twenty minutes later, the two scarfed down breakfast sandwiches while perched on a wall in the courtyard. Hero ignored any curious stares that came her way. If they thought she was odd-looking, she didn’t care. Not anymore. There was no one here to please.

John swallowed noisily and cleared his throat. “We need a plan. We should make a note of everything we have right now, and figure out a place to stay for tonight.”

“I still think we should split up.”

“Hero, we’ve been over this. A small brunette girl traveling alone is a bigger target than a small brunette girl traveling with a partner.”

She sighed, but didn’t press the issue. She would just have to wait until she was safe to ditch him. “Fine. If you think it’s a good idea.”

“I do. Now, how much money did you bring with you?”

 

“We could stay in a hostel,” Hero said, as they made their way down street by street.

“If I could just find one on the bloody map!” John growled.

“You know, if you keep your nose in that thing, you’re going to get mugged.”

“Not here, I won’t. This is a good area. It’s the seedy parts we’ll have to be careful in.”

“Right, and where will that be, exactly?”

“Will you shut up?”

Hero grabbed John’s arm, a bit rougher than necessary, and pulled him into a corner away from the busy streets.

“Hey!” He protested.

“Just find a place for us to stay, alright? I’m tired of walking.”

“Well, sorry we didn’t drive down,” John muttered darkly. Hero chose to ignore his remark.

“Here, this looks close,” John said after a moment, pointing out a spot on the map. Hero leaned in to examine it, then shot him a scathing glance.

“That’s a coffee stain, genius. Just give it to me.” She grabbed the map from him before he had a chance to react and began to scan the paper. John just crossed his arms and looked at her, his eyebrows raised.

After no time at all, Hero’s head shot back up. The sneer was back on her face. “It’s right here, John, how could you not see it?”

He just rolled his eyes. “How far?”

“A few blocks from here,” Hero replied absent-mindedly, searching for the sign of the street they were on.

“Great. Lead the way, princess Duke.”

“Don’t fucking call me that, ever.”

“Whatever you say.”

Hero suppressed the urge to punch the smirk right off John’s face and just gritted her teeth. She began walking briskly, not waiting for John to catch up. She ignored him at her side. She ignored her fears of being in a strange city. She ignored everyone who shot her a strange look as they passed by. God, she and John probably made for a fine sight in the good old Welly City. They both stuck out like a sore thumb. Hero with her unevenly chopped locks of dark hair and black hoodie. John was so tall he looked like a giant next to her. They probably looked like they were headed to a covert drug deal in some abandoned warehouse. Hero snorted at the thought.

“What’s so funny?” John glanced down at her curiously.

“Nothing. It’s just…we look so out of place.”

The corners of his mouth turned up. “Well, I’m sure we’ll fit right in at this hostel.”

Ten minutes later they were standing at the doorway. Hero took in the sight of the hostel. It didn’t look like much. The paint was peeling off the front door, a few of the second-floor windows were smashed, and it seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. Literally. The hostel was on a single street behind an alleyway. There was no one around. But it was somewhere to stay. Hero chose to focus on that.

She exchanged a wary glance with John as they stepped inside. He stayed close and kept a hand on her back the whole time.

Hero could hear muffled music drifting down from upstairs. It reeked of urine, sweat, and cigarette smoke, and everywhere she looked, she saw nothing but old, broken furniture and rat carcasses. The horror and disgust rose up in her throat, but she didn’t have any time to react. John had brought her attention to the man at the desk in front of them. He didn’t seem to be wearing a uniform, and his bloodshot eyes and messy hair made Hero think he was high. From the looks of the place, he probably was.

“Welcome, kids,” the man said, and all of a sudden Hero realized he’d directed the greeting at her. And not only that, he was also leering at her. He waggled his eyebrows at her. Hero suddenly felt so very violated. “This your sister?”

She felt John slide his arm around her waist, and for the first time since she left Auckland, she was unspeakably relieved she hadn’t ditched him. Even with him right there, she couldn’t control the pounding of her heart or the lump in her throat.

“My girlfriend, actually,” John said smoothly, and Hero almost choked. “We’re just passing through and we need a room for tonight.”

The man leaned toward Hero, grinning at her appreciatively. “I’ll bet you need a room, pretty girl like you.”

Hero’s blood turned cold. She felt John stiffen, and was glad she wasn’t the only one who felt the bad vibes of this place.

“Name’s Lonnie. I’ll be right back with your room key.” And with that, he disappeared into a room by the desk.

Hero turned to John swiftly and hissed, “How the fuck did we end up here?”

He looked around the room and then back at her, worry written all over his face. “I promise, it’ll just be for one night. And I’ll be there the whole time. We have to watch each other’s backs, understand?”

She nodded emphatically. She didn’t even worry about trusting him not to leave her; it was her only choice. It was either this or brave the streets on her own, and she didn’t think she was ready for that. She could talk herself into going it alone all she wanted, but she knew that actually doing it was a whole other story.

“Okay.” Hero tried to calm herself. She had to keep it together if she wanted to come across as strong.

Lonnie appeared and walked around the desk to hand them the room key. John kept his arm around Hero and took the key with his other hand. Lonnie wouldn’t stop smiling at Hero.

“Thank you,” John said stiffly.

Lonnie nodded at John, then turned his attention back to Hero. Her eyes narrowed at him, but that didn’t stop him from reaching out and touching her arm. John abruptly took a step back, pulling Hero with him and releasing her from Lonnie’s grasp. He pretended not to notice.

“You can take room 217. Bathroom’s at the end of the hallway. Make sure to watch your valuables.” Lonnie stared at Hero meaningfully. She looked right back at him, trying not to shudder. “It’s 30 dollars a night, but you can just pay whenever you decide to leave.”

“Thanks,” John repeated. Hero could feel his fingers curling into her side, like he, too, was trying to keep calm.

“Well, enjoy.” Lonnie smiled at them.

Hero and John wasted no time in bolting up the stairs. Heading down the hallway, Hero could hear sounds from every room. A shouting match here, a couple having sex there. She could hear faint crying from one room and hysterical laughing from another.

Suddenly her eyes fell on two men leaning against the wall, quietly talking. They eyed Hero and John as they came closer. Hero stared coolly back at them and tried not to flinch when John covertly slipped his hand into hers. She wished he would stop surprising her like that, and that he would stop pretending to assert his nonexistent ownership over her just so some creeps would back off. Not that it worked anyway, because Lonnie hadn’t stopped his advances toward Hero, and the two guys in the hallway still smiled and said hello as they passed by. But at the same time, Hero was glad for it. She didn’t know what would happen to her if she stayed here alone.

Hero glanced up at John, whose mouth was set in a firm line. They finally reached their room and John fiddled with the key for a moment before managing to open the door—it seemed to be a bit stuck. Hero slammed the door behind them and breathed a sigh of relief.

John dropped his backpack to the floor and sank onto the bed, his head in his hands. Hero found herself sliding down to the floor, her legs no longer able to support her. A long moment passed as the two mentally adjusted to their new environment. She didn’t dare look around. She didn’t want to find more dead animals on the floor.

“So are you going to pretend I’m your girlfriend every time we go somewhere?” Hero heard herself asking. There was an edge to her voice, she realized.

John raised his head to look at her, his eyebrow furrowed. “Um, I don’t know.”

“Because I don’t need your protection,” she lied. Now he just looked angry, and tired. So tired. She was so tired.

“Well I’m so sorry I was trying to protect you from potential rapists or murders. I’ll leave you alone next time, how does that sound?” He stood up quickly and rummaged around in his bag.

Hero ran a hand through her hair, suddenly wishing she hadn’t snapped at him. She knew he was on her side. That he had her back.

“I’m sorry. I’m just so tired.” They looked at each other for a moment.

“We both are.”

Hero stood up and walked over to John. She couldn’t read the look in his eyes, couldn’t tell what he was thinking. She touched his arm lightly.

“Thank you,” she said softly. He nodded.

They both glanced at the single tiny bed in front of them.

“That’s not even big enough for me,” Hero laughed.

“I can take the floor, it’s no problem.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, pretty sure I’ll pass out in no time anyway.”

She sat on the edge of the bed. “Okay.”

John zipped up his bag and tossed it onto the stool under the window. “I’m going to use the loo, I’ll leave you alone to change if you want. Lock the door behind me, okay?”

Hero nodded and waited for him to shut the door before getting up and turning the lock. She wasn’t about to take any chances, and she certainly wasn’t about to fall asleep before John got back.

She quickly slipped on an old nightshirt, but kept the hoodie on. They’d gotten one of the smashed windows, and there was a breeze. Suddenly a thought occurred to Hero. She quickly crossed the room to the window and cautiously looked out. She decided the distance was great enough for someone to have difficulty climbing up.

The knock at the door startled her. She held her breath and didn’t move until she heard John’s voice.

“Thanks,” John murmured as she let him in. “Do you need to…?”

“Oh, no, I think I’ll wait.”

He smirked as he grabbed a pillow off the bed. “Probably a good idea.”

"Probably.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night John.”

The bed was lumpy and it smelled funny, but it was a bed and at that point Hero didn’t care enough to complain. She fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

 

She woke up once or twice during the night, not due to a nightmare, thank god for that. Each time she sat up to check on John. Reassure herself that he was still there.

The next time Hero woke up, the sun was shining in the window and John was nowhere to be seen. She shot up out of bed, trying not to panic. A quick glance toward the window told her he hadn’t left her. His backpack was still there. _Breathe, Hero. He probably just went to the bathroom_.

She stood there a moment and let out a sigh, running a hand through her hair. She blinked the sleep from her eyes. All of a sudden, the door quietly opened and someone who was definitely not John slipped in.

Fuck.

“Get out!” Hero yelled at the guy, who just smiled at her and grabbed her backpack. She realized he was one of the same men she’d seen in the hallway last night.

“Morning, love,” he said cheerily, in a thick British accent. “You just keep quiet and everything will be alright.” He was rummaging through her bag, she noticed, probably looking for money.

“You can’t take my money,” Hero protested weakly, breathing shallowly. Where the fuck was John? Before she knew what was happening, two more men appeared in the doorway, their menacing smiles ripping her apart.

“There’s nothing here, check her,” the first man barked at the others. Oh no. No, this was not happening.

“Just keep your mouth shut and we won’t hurt you,” one said while they approached her quickly. The man who spoke pinned her down on the bed, his hands burning her wrists.

“Get off, get OFF me!” She faintly registered a frantic shout outside her door and heard another rush into the room.

“Shut up, bitch,” the second one growled at her. He leaned down and roughly ran his hands down her body, from her neck to her ankles. He shamelessly brought his hands back to her chest and groped her breasts. Hero fought to break free from the other man’s grasp. She felt the tears coming hot and fast.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” Hero yelled in his face. He slapped her but eased away.

“Hey!” John roared. Hero looked up in time to see the first man throw a punch at John. She couldn’t control the sobs ripping out of her chest, but thankfully the two men had stopped their assault on her. And turned their attention to John, much to her growing horror.

Her two attackers took turns hitting John while the first continued searching for money. John tried to fight back, but one of them held him against the wall. He was completely defenseless.

“Stop it!” Hero shouted, rushing away from the bed. She tried to pull one of the men off John, but was met with a solid punch in the face instead. She crumbled to the floor, her skin cracking into a million pieces like a broken vase. The pain almost crippled her, but John’s weak grunts as the men hit him propelled her back up. Shaking, Hero stepped in front of John and faced her attackers again.

“Stop it,” she said again, looking in their eyes. There was nothing there. It made Hero want to scream.

“Got it!” The first crowed, holding up the wad of bills he’d found in Hero’s jeans pocket.

She groaned internally. She should’ve known that was the stupidest move she could make. And they both paid for it.

The three men bolted out of the room in a flash. For a second, it was like nothing had happened. Everything was quiet. No one had come up to see what was going on. No police officers or creepy hostel managers showing up to kick them out.

And then Hero dared to look at John, and she crumbled. The sobs kept coming. He was barely conscious. She saw that his shirt was ripped at the collar and bruises dotted his face. Hero knew he was going to have a black eye soon, and she couldn’t even imagine how much damage they’d done to the rest of his body. Her hands hovered over his face, his shoulders. She didn’t want to accidentally hurt him. He looked battered, he looked so battered. Hero felt herself becoming undone at the sight of him.

“O-oh my god, John,” Hero choked, still crying. His eyes fluttered open at the sound of his name. “Are you okay?” He fixed her with his gaze, pain and shame in his eyes. He groaned when he tried to sit up, his hand slowly reaching to stroke Hero’s hair. She couldn’t shop shaking.

“I’m okay,” he wheezed. “Are-are you okay? God, I’m so…”

Hero shook her head violently, her hands barely touching his chest. “Oh god. I can’t believe…how much pain are you in? Do you need to go to the hospital? I’m taking you to the hospital, John, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

John’s eyes found hers again. He looked stronger already. “It’s not that bad. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” Hero said adamantly. “We’re getting out of here, and we’re going back to Auckland.”

He sat up suddenly, wincing. “No. We’re not going back. I can’t go back.”

Hero sniffed and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Okay. But we have to get out of here, and now. I can’t spend another second in this place.”

“Hero.” She stopped in her tracks when she saw that he was crying, too. “I’m so sorry they touched you.”

She looked away, trying to keep the tears from spilling over again.

John gestured toward her, meaning to wrap her in his arms and comfort her. “Can I…?”

She nodded, no longer focused on holding her tears back. “Yes.”

He gingerly wrapped his arms around her and she let herself sob into his chest, trying not to hug him back too tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” John cried, rubbing her back soothingly.

Good fucking morning.

 

They left an hour later. John tossed a few bills and the key onto the desk, and they walked out so fast Lonnie didn’t have time to say anything.

Thankfully, John’s injuries weren’t so bad that he couldn’t walk. It was mostly his face that got the worst of it. He didn’t touch Hero anymore, but still stayed close to her.

After they’d both calmed down, John accompanied Hero to the bathroom. He’d locked the door and taken the key with him. They didn’t want to risk another random robbery of their belongings. John was lucky they didn’t find his stash of money.

He stood right outside the bathroom door as Hero sobbed in the shower, scrubbing away every unwanted memory of their hands on her. It didn’t work.

They barely said a word to each other as they walked down the streets, putting as much distance as they could between them and the hostel. Cars and people passed them by, and suddenly it occurred to Hero that to everyone else, it was just another day. Just people going to work and taking walks and enjoying the weather. Their world probably hadn’t crumbled the way hers had.

John spotted a convenience store and asked if she wanted coffee. Hero nodded numbly and followed him inside. She grabbed a few sandwiches, but neither of them could really taste anything. Hero gulped down her coffee, seeking comfort in the warm liquid. She glanced over at John. He looked terrible, the bruises quickly turning mottled. She thought he was going to be just fine, physically at least. His injuries would fade over a couple of days. She wasn’t so sure about herself, though.

Hero drummed her fingers against her knees, restless. She didn’t want to feel like this anymore. She didn’t want to be fucked up, but then again, you couldn’t always get what you wanted, right?

“Fuck this. Can I borrow a fiver?” Hero stood up, looking down at John. He looked concerned.

“Sure. Do you want me to come with you?” He started to get up from the sidewalk, but she stopped him.

“I’ll be fine.” Hero took the bill from John’s hand, thanked him, and dashed inside.

God, where were the cigarettes? Weren’t they always behind the counter? It figured that the one time she actually needed them, they were nowhere in sight. She couldn’t even get anxious or nervous about the fact that this was the first time she was buying cigarettes, and underage at that.

“Can I get a box of Marlboros?” Hero asked the cashier. He looked at her skeptically.

“How old are you?”

“Eighteen.”

“ID?”

“I, uh, left it at home.”

The cashier sighed. “You’re lucky I hate my job.” He reached behind him and grabbed a box from the shelf. “4.50, please.”

Hero walked out of the store, feeling slightly exhilarated. John glanced up as she sunk onto the sidewalk next to him. He raised his eyebrows at her.

“Jesus, Hero. Do you even smoke?”

“I do now,” she retorted, taking one out. Then she stopped and turned to him. “Do you have a lighter?”

John sighed heavily, but took his backpack off and grabbed a lighter from it. He handed it to her and watched as she attempted to light the cigarette.

“You know, I would tell you not to start up, but then I’d be a hypocrite.”

Hero looked at him, feeling a bit empty. “I just. I feel like shit. And I figured I might as well start all the bad habits now that I ran away.” It was the first time she’d said those words aloud. She’d done the unthinkable. She ran away from home. Her home. With her family. She reminded herself it wasn’t home anymore. She did the right thing.

Hero tilted her head toward John. “Can you, uh, teach me?”

A few minutes passed. Despite John’s efforts to coach her properly, Hero still coughed outrageously. It took her a few tries to get the hang of it, and it felt weird inhaling and exhaling smoke, but she figured she would get used to it soon enough.

“Congratulations, you are now a certified smoker,” John said sarcastically as he grabbed another cigarette.

“Hey!” Hero protested. “I bought those.”

“Yeah, with my money.”

“Okay, fair enough.”

“Wanna get out of here?”

“God, yes.”

And so the two of them meandered along, taking occasional drags on their cigarettes and glancing at each other every now and then. Hero didn’t know if it was the food or the coffee or the smoking, but she was already starting to feel better.

“So, what now?”

“No idea. But we stick together from now on, no matter what. I am not letting you out of my sight, Hero Duke.”

“For fuck’s sake, John.” Hero wasn’t sure she ever wanted to call herself a Duke again.

“Sorry, sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies for not updating in so long! i have a better idea of what to make this fic, and hopefully i can stick to posting a new chapter twice a week. hope you like it!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Hero tries her hand at pickpocketing and has sex for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: swearing, smoking, alcohol mention, panic attack mention, mention of past sexual assault, sort of graphic sex scene?? (feel free to skim if you're not comfortable, it's toward the end)

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“What?”

“I don’t know…anything. Everything.”

“Not really.”

“Right then.”

And that was that. Everything Hero wanted to forget, she packed up in a tiny box and put it away. Thankfully, John didn’t bring it up again.

The next few days were fairly uneventful, which Hero normally would’ve welcomed, except she couldn’t stand being left alone with her thoughts. As soon as they checked into their next hostel (a much nicer one this time, and in a well-populated place at that), Hero dragged John outside to roam the streets of Wellington City. They sat on benches and watched people living their lives. They looked out over waterfronts, taking drags on their cigarettes every now and then. Hero didn’t remember when she had started drinking, but all she knew was that every day she’d find a bottle of vodka or whiskey in her hand. John never said anything about it, only asked for his fair share. When she protested, he’d just remind her that it was his money she was spending after all, and he deserved half of whatever she got.

The nightmares returned on the fourth night, much to Hero’s dread.

She woke up gasping on the hardwood floor, her head aching and her heart pounding. Already it was beginning to slip away from Hero’s memory, but she still felt uneasy. Like something bad was going to happen. Like something bad had already happened, and she didn’t know how to fix it. In a moment of confusion, Hero started to panic. Where the hell was she? Where was John?

“Whatsa matter?” John mumbled sleepily.

Then everything came back, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She was fine. She was safe. It was just a nightmare. She was going to be fine.

Hero sat up and glanced over at him. “Nightmare.”

John blinked slowly down at her. “You alright?”

“Can I…can I just sleep next to you? Please?”

He didn’t answer.

“I just want to be near someone, okay?” Hero felt like crying. She never thought she’d actually crave the physical company of another just four days after being sexually assaulted. But then again, she’d stopped trying to explain her motivations and desires since she turned sixteen.

John nodded and scooted over. “Yeah. Sure. Not much room, though.”

Hero stood up and plopped her pillow down, then carefully lay on the bed next to John. He wasn’t kidding about there being no room, either. Even with him being on the edge of the bed, she could barely fit herself on it.

But oh, the space she now occupied was so deliciously warm and cozy from John’s body heat that she instantly calmed down and relaxed. She glanced over to find him smirking at her.

“What are you looking at?”

“Are we going to cuddle now?”

“No, of course not,” Hero automatically replied. Didn’t she say she just wanted to be near someone? She just wanted to sleep, not snuggle with the guy.

“Hero. I’m kidding.”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m going back to sleep. Don’t you dare spoon me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Hero suppressed a groan and just rolled her eyes. “Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Hero.”

 

Hero wasn’t sure what woke her. Maybe it was a faint noise, or the light streaming in the window. She opened her eyes to find herself nestled against John. Christ, his fucking arm was even draped over her side, too.

She would never tell him this, but she had to admit, it was actually kind of nice. Warm. Safe. But then she reminded herself that this was John Donaldson. It didn’t make sense to feel safe around him. He was the sole reason her life got so fucked up. He was the reason those men touched her. She shouldn’t trust him. But she had no choice. And she hated that.

Hero stared at John, wondering how she’d ended up here, with him of all people. She didn’t know how he could sleep so peacefully when she was the fucked up one waking up from nightmares. Why did he get to walk around and be okay when she wasn’t?

Hero sighed lightly and shrugged John’s arm off her, sliding out of bed. She didn’t care if she woke him up or not. Instinctively she glanced toward the door, glad it was locked this time. Quickly Hero got dressed and tied her hair back. It barely fit into a ponytail. She still wasn’t quite used to having such short hair now. She spent the next few minutes staring moodily out the window and smoking. She hated herself that morning.

She didn’t bother moving or acknowledging John when she heard him wake up with a short series of groans and yawns. Hero kept her eyes on the people that walked by. After a moment, John sat up, the bed creaking. She heard him heave a sigh.

“Morning,” he said from behind her. Hero turned around and stared at him stonily, raising her cigarette at him in acknowledgement.

“Yup,” Hero muttered as she bent down to grab their last bottle of alcohol by her bag. She ignored John narrowing his eyes at her.

“Hero…”

“What?”

“It’s like, 10 in the morning.”

“Yeah, and?”

“At least have some water before you get piss drunk,” John retorted, getting up to hand her a water bottle. Hero ignored the offer and stared him down.

“Don’t fucking baby me.” She took a swig from the bottle defiantly, welcoming the familiar burn in her throat.

John threw his hands up in the air, turning away. “Fine. Whatever. Enjoy.”

Hero blew a trail of smoke toward him. “Thanks, I will.”

John didn’t speak to her again until he returned from the bathroom and lit a cigarette of his own, standing on the opposite side of the room. “So. What shall we do today?”

“I don’t care,” Hero replied absent-mindedly, still staring out the window. “I need more cigs, though.”

She heard his footsteps make their way to her side and stared up at him as he faced her. She faintly registered that his bruises were starting to fade.

“I’m running out of money, Hero. You can’t keep buying booze and cigarettes, when we actually need to pay to stay somewhere.”

Hero glared at him unhappily. “Then I’ll steal.”

John barked out a laugh. “You’ll what?”

“Don’t look so surprised. You think I can’t do it?”

He scratched his head, the corners of his mouth turned up. “It’s not that. I just never pictured you as the shoplifting type.”

She just looked at him, her eyes blazing. “Fucking watch me, John.”

And with that, she took one last puff on her cigarette, tossed it out the window, and marched out the room, her backpack in hand. John had no choice but to follow her.

 

“Please tell me how exactly you’re going to nick a pack of cigarettes from behind the counter,” John insisted as he kept up with Hero’s fast pace. Well, fast for her. He had no trouble keeping up, on account of his long legs.

“You’ll see.” Truthfully, Hero didn’t have the first clue how she was going to pull this off. Before everything went to shit, she’d been the type of person who cringed inside even if she so much as told a white lie. How on earth was she going to steal, especially if she had no experience? It couldn’t be that hard, right? It was all just a matter of subtlety and courage.

They reached the convenience store all too quickly. Hero only hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open and heading inside. John remained where he was, under her specific instructions not to follow her. She wanted to do this on her own.

The girl behind the counter barely acknowledged Hero as she walked around the aisles. She paused in front of the freezer section, pretending to decide what she wanted. Hero chose her plan of action while plucking two water bottles and a bag of chips off a shelf.

“This all?” The cashier asked.

“Yes.”

The cashier began to ring up Hero’s purchases, but before she could get too far, Hero pretended to reach out for something and accidentally-on-purpose knocked everything off.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Hero put on an apologetic look.

The girl just sighed and bent over to pick up the items, giving Hero the perfect opportunity to lean over and grab two boxes of Marlboro. Unfortunately, the girl stood up again before Hero could successfully jam them in her pocket. _Shit._

“Hey!”

Hero froze. She hadn’t planned on getting caught. What was she supposed to do?

“Put those back or I’m calling the cops on you.” The girl glared at her.

“I’m sorry,” Hero mumbled before throwing the boxes back on the counter and dashing out of the store. She nearly ran into John, who was waiting right outside, and apparently had seen everything.

“Bravo,” John said with a smirk, applauding her.

“Shut up, let’s go.”

“That was quite a valiant effort, I almost thought you would get away with it, too.”

“John!”

“Sorry, sorry. You actually didn’t do half bad for your first time.”

“Wow, thanks.”

Soon Hero found herself at a bus stop down the street. She glanced up at John.

“What now?” He asked.

“I still need cigarettes.”

John raised his eyebrows at her. “Aren’t you hungry?”

She shrugged. “Not really.”

“Alright, fine,” John sighed. “Since you seem to be so terrible at shoplifting, let’s try pickpocketing instead.”

“You mean, steal from people?”

“Yes, Hero, that’s what pickpocketing is.”

She glanced down the road, wondering when the bus would come. She’d hardly taken it when she lived in Messina; she had no clue how often they pulled up to the stops.

“And, what, you’ve done it before?”

“Of course.”

Hero just gave John a look. “Will you show me how?”

“I thought you didn’t want me to baby you.”

She looked away. “Right.”

John touched her arm to get her attention again. “But I’ll be around, you know. If you do need me.”

“Got it.”

The two stood there like that, Hero looking at John and John looking back at her, his hand still on her arm. She was glad to find no pity in his eyes. John, on the other hand, just saw her sadness when he looked at her. And it ate away at him, slowly but surely.

Hero tore away her gaze to watch the bus pull up to their stop. She felt his hand on her back now as he followed her onto the bus and handed a few dollar bills to the driver. They sank down into two empty seats in the middle of the bus, watching the world pass by.

She laid a hand over her chest absent-mindedly, trying to soothe the sudden pain that had suddenly flared up. It once again reminded her of her shattered heart and the quiet anger coursing through her veins. Hero shook her head to push aside those thoughts; she had to figure out how to steal money from a stranger without getting caught. And she wasn’t about to rely on John for help, either.

“Where shall we stop?” Hero murmured to John. He leaned in close to hear her better.

“I think there’s a mall nearby.”

“Mall it is, then.”

It wasn’t long before they reached their destination. John ambled down the bus aisle and down the steps, only glancing back once at Hero.

Hero took in the sight before her. The place was pretty big, as far as malls go. People of all ages and sizes walked across the courtyard in front. Children jumped and screamed their happiness. She could hear music drifting from inside. The mall buzzed with activity. Her heart thumped furiously at the thought of doing this, especially among crowds of shoppers.

Before they made it inside, John suddenly pulled Hero into a corner, away from all the bustle. He stood close to her and looked around to make sure nobody was listening. Hero couldn’t decide whether to feel annoyed or safe by his proximity.

“Alright, listen, Hero,” John began. Hero could see his freckles, he was that close. “I know you don’t want my help, but there are a few things you should know.”

“Like what?”

“Like knowing who the easy targets are. How to properly distract them. That sort of thing.”

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“You want to look for the ones who appear distracted. The ones who leave their wallets or their money lying in the open. That way, you can take it quickly when they’re not looking.”

Hero nodded.

“And try not to be too obvious.”

“Thank you for that amazing piece of advice, John. I’ll make sure not to do that,” Hero replied sarcastically.

He just huffed at her. “If you want to be arrested, be my guest.”

She shut her mouth, eyeing him.

“Shall we?” John gestured toward the main entrance. Hero rolled her eyes and marched inside.

“Remember, it’s all about timing,” he said close to her ear as they neared the food court.

God, he was getting on her nerves. Did he think she knew nothing?

“Yes, I know, John,” Hero snapped. She was nervous enough as it was, she didn’t need him breathing down her neck.

John touched her shoulder lightly. “You’ll be fine.” He hung back as she continued walking toward the court.

Hero looked at the sea of tables in front of her. It was so loud. Everywhere she looked, there sat tired shoppers and antsy children who couldn’t keep still. The longer she looked, the more she saw people who just didn’t pay attention to the world around them. They seemed to be absorbed in their lunch, or on their phones, or talking to others in their group. Surely someone wouldn’t notice being robbed.

“Right,” Hero muttered to herself. She glanced behind her, eyes searching for John. She found him sitting alone at a small table in the back of the food court. He nodded at her, giving her an extra dose of courage. “You can do this.”

She sank down into an empty seat and kept watching the crowd, searching for an easy target. Before long she spotted a middle-aged woman sitting a few tables away, engrossed in a book and picking at the plate of food in front of her. An open purse hung on the back of her chair. _Score_. Hero took a deep breath and headed toward the woman. She tried her best to act like she was just walking past. When she was close enough, Hero dropped her hand into the purse and carefully searched for a wallet. She drew it out when her fingers closed around something solid and large and walked away, struggling to keep her pace slow enough to avoid suspicion. Hero wasted no time in securing the wallet in her jacket pocket. She tried to keep her excitement hidden until she reached John’s table. _Yes! You’ve done it!_

John stood up and grinned at her as she rushed toward him and threw her arms around him in a rare moment of happiness.

“Well done,” he murmured into her hair. Hero was surprised, he sounded genuinely proud of her. She drew back, his hands still on her shoulders.

“Thank you.” Hero sat down across from him, placing the wallet on the table. “Let’s see what I got. Oh, shit.”

It was a makeup case. It was a fucking makeup case. Hero had fucked up. She buried her face in her hands.

“It’s okay,” John reassured her, a move Hero hadn’t expected. “At least you have makeup for yourself now.”

Hero glared at him. “You’re not making this any better.”

He sighed and glanced around. “Look, do you want me to do it?”

“No,” she said adamantly. “I have to do this on my own.”

John nodded, keeping his eyes on her. “Okay. Try again.”

Hero nodded back, slipping the makeup case into her bag. She remained in her seat until she found another target. A tired looking man, maybe in his late twenties, sitting and staring into the distance. His plate was empty, but he hadn’t left his spot in a while. His wallet—and yes, Hero was definitely sure it was a wallet this time—lay next to the tray. It was all too easy. Hero didn’t look back at John as she headed toward the man.

As Hero neared the man, she pretended to stumble and grabbed the edge of the table to prevent herself from falling, thus securing the wallet in her hand and conspicuously slipping it into her jacket pocket. He jumped in his chair and looked up at her, alarmed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sir!” She apologized profusely. “I’m a klutz.”

He didn’t say anything, just shook his head like it was all fine and he didn’t mind her intrusion.

“Have a nice day!” Hero smiled at him sweetly and walked on. The poor guy didn’t know what had hit him. If he ever noticed his wallet was missing, Hero didn’t hear any commotion coming from his table.

She couldn’t help feeling like a total badass as she doubled back toward John’s table. Hero had done it; she’d successfully nicked someone’s wallet from them. Without getting caught. John should’ve had more faith in her, really.

Hero slid into her seat and faced John. “Got it.”

He smiled at her again. It was such a rare sight that she wasn’t used to it. It unsettled her. “I am so proud of you, Hero.” He pretended to wipe away a tear and sighed dramatically.

She pushed him playfully. “Oh, shut it, you.” But she was smiling too.

“So, how much is in there?”

She opened the wallet and dug out a few dollar bills in the pockets. She counted a little over twenty dollars. Hero glanced up and shrugged.

“Better than nothing.”

“Yes, it’s better than nothing.”

Hero and John spent the next few moments just looking at each other happily. Then he broke the silence.

“So, food?”

“I guess I could eat something.”

He smirked and rose to his feet. “Come on. My treat.”

“I think not! I have money of my own, now, after all.”

“Money that you stole.”

“Details.”

John chuckled. “Fine, fine, if you insist.”

Hero nodded vehemently, then looked at the wallet. “Um, what do I do with this?”

“Up to you. You can keep it as a token, or if you really want to return it, you can drop it in a mailbox. It’ll get sent back to him.”

“Think I’ll keep it.”

“Very well,” John replied, smirking at her.

 

Before they left the mall, Hero had managed to pickpocket three more people. It was tricky, and stressful, and a bit exhausting. But she did it. She could tell John was still proud of her by the way he looked at her. All in all, a successful and productive day. Hero was starting to get the hang of this whole runaway thing.

They were quiet on the bus. Hero glanced over at John, who was staring out the window. Without thinking too much about it, she shifted closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Hero felt him tense up and turn his head toward her. Then he relaxed, and leaned into her as well. She decided to take it a step further and slipped her hand into his. After a moment, John folded their fingers together. It was nice, being close to him. Comfortable. Hero decided that she liked it.

The rest of the bus ride was spent like that. Hero slipped her hand out of John’s when they reached the stop near their hostel. She didn’t look at him as she got off the bus, but she could feel him right behind her. Damn, she still needed to buy cigarettes.

“You okay?” John asked. Hero turned around and looked up at him. She noted that his eyes had become grayer than they usually were.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Hero offered him a tight-lipped smile. “So, cigarettes?”

 

Ten minutes later, Hero happily inhaled from her cigarette and walked down the street, John by her side. He seemed to notice her sudden good mood.

“You did good today, Hero.”

Hero leaned into him playfully. “Thanks. I learned from the best.”

They grinned at each other.

 

Hero shut the door behind them. She and John both stared at the bed, then at each other.

“I’ll be on the floor tonight,” John offered tentatively. “It’s my turn, anyway.”

“Um,” Hero began. “No, it’s fine. We can share again.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You sure?”

Hero shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, we did it once, we can do it again, right?”

She didn’t mention that her reasons were purely selfish. She figured that sleeping next to John would get rid of her nightmares, or at the very least, fend them off for a while.

John still looked a bit apprehensive. “Okay. Just sleeping, yeah?”

 _What the fuck does_ that _mean?_ “Just sleeping.”

Hero crossed the room to set down her backpack and glanced out the window. The sun was beginning to set. She almost found pleasure from the sight. It’d been a while since she saw the sun go down. She turned around when John spoke again.

“Right, well. I’ll let you get situated.” And with that, he slipped out of the room, locking the door in the process.

Did he really have to be so respectful and decent towards her? Hero was finding it difficult to not trust him, despite all her misgivings of that morning. After all, it wasn’t as if he was giving her reasons not to. Hero just sighed, deciding to stop thinking about it all. It was just giving her a headache.

A few minutes passed. Hero had changed into an oversized shirt and shorts. She leaned against the window, staring, staring, staring out into the world. She brought her cigarette back to her lips and inhaled deeply, then blew out the smoke. Hero heard the key turn in the door, announcing John’s return. She jumped a little when she looked over to find him at her side, looking down at her with those gray, gray eyes.

“Shit! Sorry. You scared me.” Hero took another drag. “What’s up?”

John looked out at the window too and shrugged, his lips curved into a small smile. “Nothing, really. Just felt like joining you. That okay?”

 _What is his deal?_ Hero thought to herself. She glanced up at him. “Fine, fine.”

John reached into his pocket and took out his own cigarette, then lit it. Hero watched him inhale and exhale the smoke. He looked so natural doing it, so in his element. He almost made smoking look like an art. John glanced over to catch her staring.

“What?” He looked amused.

Hero shook her head. “Nothing.”

John kept his eyes on Hero for another moment before turning his gaze back outside the window. He sighed, and Hero could feel it reverberate in her bones.

The silence that followed was calm, peaceful. The two of them watched the sun sink down into the horizon.

“Hero?”

She didn’t look at him. “Yes?”

“Do you think they miss us?” John’s words rushed out of his mouth, almost as if he was ashamed, or afraid, of asking.

Her heart sank down, down, down into her stomach, like the sun. She waited a moment before answering. “Who?”

“You know. Everyone back at…everyone back at home.”

Hero glared at him. How fucking dare he ask her that? What did he expect her to say? “It’s not home anymore.”

She tossed her cigarette out the window and stalked over to the bed.

“Hero,” John pleaded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

Hero turned over in bed, her back toward John. “It’s fine. I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.”

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He took a last drag and threw the cigarette out. Hero heard him sigh again. After a long moment, she watched him get into his side of the bed, pulling the covers over the both of them. She didn’t move.

Despite his best efforts, John couldn’t put very much distance between him and Hero. She still wasn’t looking at him.

“Hey,” he said softly. Hero’s eyes flicked up to his. “I’m sorry. Okay?”

She searched his eyes. “Okay.”

He smiled half-heartedly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “We good?”

Hero nodded. “Yeah. We’re good.” He had so many freckles.

John reached out to rub her shoulder. “Goodnight, Hero.”

“Goodnight.”

 

For the second morning in a row, Hero woke up to find herself cuddling with John. Her hand was curled up against his chest, and his arm had somehow ended up resting on Hero’s side. She let out a quiet snort. How did this keep happening? Jesus, they were barely friends, let alone a couple.

This time, Hero chose to stay in bed until he started to wake up. She could feel the sound echoing through his chest as he sighed heavily.

“Nnnghhh,” John mumbled, his eyes still shut. Hero tried not to laugh at him.

“Hi, sleepyhead.”

John stretched a bit, his arm curling around Hero. He smacked his lips and sniffed. “Hi.”

Hero tapped his eyelids and he groaned in protest. “Wake up.”

John half opened his eyes to glare at her. “And why the fuck should I do that?”

“Because we’ve got to eat. And smoke. You’re not gonna let a girl smoke by herself, are you?”

“God, you’re actually the worst.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now get up.”

 

Hero felt utterly content, looking out over a park, a cigarette in her fingers. John had suggested they eat there and enjoy the day. It was better than hanging out on a sidewalk, anyway.

It was a bit windy that day, and more cloudy than sunny, but still, Hero didn’t mind. She was in a good mood.

“This is nice,” John offered.

Hero glanced over at him and hummed in reply. She looked lost in thought, her eyes turned toward the scene in front of her.

He watched her bring the cigarette to her lips and take a drag. “What are you thinking about?”

“Hm? Oh. I was just thinking, since I’m sixteen now, I should find someone to fuck.”

John choked, completely taken aback by her answer. She just looked at him and laughed a little.

“What? Does that make you uncomfortable?”

He gaped at her. “No, no, it’s just…I wasn’t expecting that.”

Hero shrugged, shooting him a smirk. “I might as well, right?”

“Er, I guess.”

She blew smoke out the side of her mouth. “Which means we need to hit up a few bars tonight and try to get me laid.”

John just stared at her again, flabbergasted. Just when he thought he was getting used to her, she went and did or said something that completely threw him off track.

“Right. Sure.”

Hero grinned over at him. “And I’ll find you a nice girl, too.”

“Cheers, Hero.” She laughed.

John looked away, thinking. “Wait, so…you’ve never…?”

“Of course not.”

“Not even with…?”

“No. I was fifteen, remember?”

“So you want your first time having sex to be with some random bloke in a bar bathroom?”

Hero shifted uncomfortably. “Well. I dunno. I didn’t really think about it like that.”

John had a feeling she would probably slap him for saying this, but he continued anyway. “Wouldn’t you rather it be with someone you know? Someone you trust?”

She snorted. “Like who, John?”

He couldn’t look at her. “Like…me?”

There was a moment of stunned silence, and for a second, he thought she really was going to hit him for being so forward. But instead, she laughed. Hard.

After a minute, Hero settled down, only giggling every now and then. “Really, John. Who uses that line and expects it to work?”

John tried to ignore the heat climbing up his neck. “Alright, fine, forget I said anything. God.”

She looked at him then, laughter still in her eyes. He glanced at her just in time to see the laughter replaced with somberness. She looked at him like…he didn’t want to say it, but it was almost like she was considering him. That or she was plotting his demise.

“What are you…?” John trailed off, suddenly nervous of what she would do. He was only half joking when he’d suggested that she have sex with him. He knew it would probably never happen.

Hero’s eyes roamed over his face, then suddenly leaned close to him. Very close. He watched her gaze flick down to his mouth, and all of a sudden he realized she meant to kiss him. _Shit_.

John held his breath, keeping very very still. He didn’t want to initiate anything because, well, look at what happened to her a few days ago. She was so close to him. He could see the flecks in her blue eyes, and he almost closed his own eyes too in anticipation of her kiss. But he pulled away right before their lips could touch, the air whooshing out of his lungs. Hero paused to collect herself before moving away as well. Why the fuck did she do that?

She looked away and took a drag on her cigarette, acting like she was unaffected. She heard John let out a quiet, nervous half-chuckle. God, she was so stupid. Why did she try to kiss him right after telling him they weren’t having sex? Hero blamed the fact that she was horny that day. If not John, then someone else.

Hero was the first to break the silence. “So, shall we leave at six?”

 

They walked into the first bar they saw, Hero confidently leading the way. It must’ve been the weekend, because it was fairly busy in the bar. Throngs of people sat in booths or stood in corners, chatting and drinking. Hero hadn’t scoped the place out yet, but already she’d seen a few decent looking guys. She glanced up at John.

“Shall we get a drink first?”

“Sure, sure. What do you want?”

“Whatever you’re having.”

“Alright. Should I…?” John looked at her curiously, like he was debating whether or not to drag her with him. He still didn’t feel all that comfortable leaving her alone.

Hero nodded toward the counter. “I’ll be fine. Besides, how am I going to get laid if you’re by my side all night?”

“Fair enough. I’ll be right back.” Despite her reassurance, he still felt uneasy. How was he to know who would be legit and who would drag Hero out into the alleyway and hurt her like those men did? He didn’t have to be right next to her, but he’d be damned if he let her out of his sight.

By the time John managed to get two drinks, he turned around to find someone chatting with Hero. Well, the guys around here certainly didn’t waste their time. He sighed and headed over, eyeing the guy. He didn’t look sketchy. But then again, how exactly could you tell about that sort of thing?

“Here,” John announced as he approached her. Hero looked up at him, her eyes shining.

“John, hi! Thanks so much.” She took the drink from his hand and gestured to the man next to her. “This is Alex. Alex, this is John. We’ve been traveling together.”

Alex nodded and stuck out a hand. “How’s it going, mate?”

“Fine, fine, thanks.”

Alex grinned at Hero appreciatively. “You certainly got yourself a lovely companion here.” He slung an arm around her shoulders casually. John tightened his grip on the glass.

“Thanks,” he said tightly. “Hero, you gonna be alright?”

“Oh, of course, of course! Alex here will keep me company, won’t you, Alex?”

John suppressed a frown. She was acting so…flirty. Happy. He didn’t know quite what it was, but it wasn’t her. He really did not want to walk away, but he didn’t want to watch them flirt and make out with each other, either.

“Oh, I forgot,” Hero continued, glancing at Alex. “John and I are here to get each other laid.”

Alex raised his eyebrows, and John could practically see him thinking that it was his lucky night. “Is that so?”

“Yes, and John, I saw some cute girls over there. You could go chat them up if you like.” Hero had a pleasant look on her face, but he knew she wanted him to go.

“Alright, I’ll be over there if you need me.”

Hero smiled sweetly at him. Alex gave him a nod. “Cheers, mate.”

Reluctantly John walked away, sipping from his glass every now and then. Hero was right, he’d already spotted a few girls he found attractive. He happened to glance over in the middle of a conversation with one, and saw her kissing him. His hand was on her ass, and she was pressed against him. John swallowed, unable to explain why the sight made him want to punch Alex in the face. All he knew was, he didn’t want him touching Hero. He didn’t want anyone touching Hero, for that matter.

Hero spent the next fifteen or so minutes talking with Alex. Now that he knew she was looking for sex, he became more obvious with her, flirting and touching her and making her laugh. He was quite attractive, too. After they made out for a few minutes, Hero figured he was the perfect subject for a casual fling, and finally decided to cut to the chase.

“So,” she began. “Shall we fuck now, or later?”

His eyes gleamed. “Now is fine.”

She found herself backed against a bathroom stall, Alex pressed against her, his hands roaming over her body and his mouth on her neck. Hero closed her eyes, taking pleasure in the feel of his body against hers.

“So hot, so fucking hot,” Alex mumbled against her mouth.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she murmured.

He quickly took off his shirt, nodding to Hero to do the same. She began to take off her skirt, but was interrupted by the door slamming open, nearly hitting the both of them.

“Shit!” Alex took a step back.

“John? What the fuck?” Hero was livid. He just stood there, his chest heaving, and murder in his eyes. He took in the sight before him and grabbed Hero’s arm, tugging her away from Alex.

“Come on, we’re leaving.”

“John, I’m kind of in the middle of something.” Hero tilted her head toward Alex, more than a little pissed off.

“You know what? This here looks like trouble, and I’d rather stay out of it.” Alex put his shirt back on and readjusted himself. “Bye, Hero. Good luck with…whatever this is.” He gestured between her and John and left the bathroom.

Hero stood where she was, glaring at John. He looked down, unable to meet her gaze. He shouldn’t have come in. He should’ve stayed out in the bar and kissed the girl he was talking to.

“What the fuck, John?”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

She took a step closer, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “You’re just jealous because I was about to fuck someone else. Admit it.”

“What? No, of course not.”

Hero sighed. “Whatever. I’m out of here.”

And with that, she stalked out of the bathroom and made her way outside. The cool air soothed her warm skin. She lit a cigarette and exhaled smoke furiously. God, fuck John. She was still horny. If he had already got into that girl’s pants, she was going to be so pissed. It was just like him to show up and drag her away right when he was finished. Men.

“Hero.”

She turned around and narrowed her eyes at John. He stepped closer to her.

“I just couldn’t—I couldn’t watch him touch you. I couldn’t.”

Hero’s eyes widened. She didn’t know what to say. “Oh.”

He shook his head, glancing away. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“You know, you don’t own me.”

“I know.” John looked at her so earnestly that Hero felt all her anger slipping away. She couldn’t explain it.

“Listen, don’t worry about it. Let’s just go back.”

“You sure?”

Hero shrugged. “Yeah. I’ll live for tonight.”

She couldn’t look at him the rest of the way to the hostel. She could feel him glancing at her a few times, but she ignored it.

“So, how was she?” Hero couldn’t help asking as John shut the door behind them.

“What?”

“The girl you fucked, how was it?”

“Oh. Um. We didn’t…”

“You didn’t?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.” Hero didn’t know what to do or say next.

“Yeah. Sorry, again.” John began to walk away, but Hero grabbed his arm.

“Wait.” Shit, was she really going to do this? She stepped close to John and leaned up. God, he was so fucking tall. Hero took a shaky breath and grabbed his shirt, pulling him toward her.

“What are you doing?”

“Just shut up, okay?” For the second time that day, Hero leaned in to kiss him, but he pulled away. Again.

“Hero.” John swallowed.

She lowered her hands. “Oh. Do you _want_ to…?”

He quickly grasped her shoulders, looking into her eyes. “Yes, god yes.”

“Then why…?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you.”

God, he was so infuriating, and she was so turned on. She shook her head. “You’re not. I want this. I want you. Okay?”

He smiled and leaned down. “Okay.”

He kissed her hesitantly, carefully, like he was trying not to break her. He drew back after a few seconds. Hero resisted the urge to roll her eyes and just grabbed the back of his neck to firmly kiss him. God, he felt good. She loved the feel of his warm skin and his chest against hers. His hands were barely on her hips.

Hero pulled away, breathing hard. “You can touch me, you know. If you want to.”

John tentatively gripped her hips. She rolled her eyes and reached down to wrap his arms around her waist. He took the bait and pulled her closer to him, pressing her mouth to hers again. Hero hummed her approval and kissed him harder, harder. There was too much space between them. She shifted even closer to John, closing her eyes at the feel of him throbbing against her. He moaned.

“Ohhh, fuck.” John couldn’t control his ragged breathing, almost embarrassed of the effect she had on him.

Hero was enjoying this all too much. She liked seeing him writhe against her, just by touching him. She continued by sliding her hands down his chest slowly and lightly cupping the bulge in his pants. Took it a step further by grinding against him.

John buried his head in Hero’s shoulder. “Fuck. Fuck, Hero.” He was so hard, too hard. He almost couldn’t bear it. She felt so good. She was so beautiful.

“That’s the plan,” Hero murmured into his ear. He shuddered against her, completely undone.

He lifted his head back up. Hero’s heart pounded at the lust and want in his eyes.

“Do you want to…?” John mumbled in between kisses.

“God, yes.” Hero almost yelped when he picked her up, all too easily, and carried her to the bed. He gently set her down and situated himself on top of her, trying not to crush her. Hero quickly got used to his weight. John gazed at her for a moment, stroking her hair.

“Okay?”

She nodded, unable to speak. Pulled him down for another kiss. Fuck, he was good. She didn’t want this to stop, ever.

But all of a sudden her chest got tight, and panic rose up inside her. She tore her mouth away from John’s.

“Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.” She couldn’t think past the sensation of him throbbing against her.

He pulled back and looked down at her worriedly. “Do you want me to get off?”

Hero swallowed. “No, no, I just need a second.”

“Do you need water or anything?” He looked so worried, so concerned. Why did he have to be so wonderful?

 _Just breathe_.

“I’m fine.” It only took a minute for the panic to pass.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I’m sure, goddammit. Just fucking kiss me.”

John hesitated for a moment before leaning back down and pressing his mouth to hers. He couldn’t stop kissing her, his hands on her legs, stroking them every now and then. Hero had her hands tangled in his hair. He shifted slightly, pressing his erection against Hero. _God, yes_. She moaned loudly into his mouth, and he grinned.

“When are you going to…?”

“Are you ready?”

She was so ready. “Yes, yes, I’m ready. Just, please…”

John quickly tore off his shirt and set about removing his pants. “Shall I do the honors or do you want to?”

He was so beautiful. Hero got distracted by the sight of his pale, lovely skin and his freckles. “Um.”

He looked at her, waiting for an answer. She couldn’t think straight when he was running his hands up and down her thighs.

“I’ll do it.” And with that, she slipped out of her shirt and yanked her skirt down, kicking it off with her feet. John’s eyes followed her every movement.

Hero took a breath. All that remained was her bra and underwear. John drunk in the sight of her breathing hard under him. He swallowed. She was so beautiful.

He didn’t realize he’d actually said it out loud until she smiled up at him and told him he was beautiful, too. He flushed.

John smirked and lowered his head to press his lips to her inner thigh. He left a trail of kisses up and down her pale skin, taking great satisfaction in the sound of her breathing heavily.

“God, I love your thighs.” He was aching to remove the rest of his clothes and free his erection, but he wanted to turn Hero into a quivering, whining mess first.

“John. Please.” Hero hated how weak and desperate she sounded. He just smirked at her again. He was so infuriating. She wanted to punch him.

He leaned forward to kiss her lips, sneakily resting a hand on her vagina. After letting Hero get into it, after letting her run her nails lightly down his back, he suddenly cupped her. She whined into his mouth.

“Fuck. Fuck. John. Please just…”

John just sat up again and grinned mischievously at her. She was completely undone. “Well, since you said please…”

She glared up at him, her cheeks flushed.

“Alright, alright, go ahead.”

Hero bit her lip nervously. She took off her bra, then reached down and quickly slid off the underwear, a bit surprised at how wet she was. She wasn’t the only one, either.

John looked down and laughed a little. “You’re, you’re so--”

“Oh god, shut up.” Hero covered her face with her hands and giggled along with him. It was so silly. They couldn’t stop laughing.

“Well, glad I still got it,” John said cockily, grinning at her.

“You’re an ass.” She wanted him back on top of her.

“Yeah, yeah.” He leaned down to kiss her again. Hero sighed and ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back.

“So, are you going to take those off, or do I need to do it for you?” Hero asked. His eyes were blue again.

John looked at her sheepishly. “Sorry.” He sat up and quickly removed his boxers, watching Hero carefully. “You ready?”

She took a deep breath and nodded, her hands stroking his arms nervously. “Yes.”

He kept his eyes on Hero as he eased himself into her. She gripped his arms tighter.

“Oh, fuck.” It occurred to Hero that she should be embarrassed by how high her voice had gone.

“You okay?”

“Fucking hell, yes.”

John grinned. The look on her face was more than enough motivation to continue.

Hero didn’t think this could feel any better than it did already, but was quickly proven wrong when John brought his mouth to hers. It was almost too much to handle. Now she knew why Meg had enjoyed sex so much.

“You feel so good,” John muttered against her lips. She smiled and shifted her hips slightly upward mid-thrust, eliciting a groan from him.

“God, Hero.”

“No, it’s just Hero,” she managed to say amid waves of pleasure. He chuckled at that, letting his head fall.

“How are you doing?” He panted.

“Fucking amazing.” Hero smiled and leaned up to kiss his neck. He ran a hand up her side and down her arm. “You?” He nodded.

“You sure this is your first time?”

Hero scoffed and lightly slapped his arm. “You little fucker.”

John just laughed and pressed kisses to her chest. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

She glanced down to watch him leave his mark on her. “Are you giving me a hickey?”

“Maybe.” He rubbed a thumb over her breast cautiously. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.” Hero closed her eyes as he continued massaging her breast. “Oh, yes.”

She was getting close, she could feel it.

“Fuck, John.”

“I know, me too.”

All too soon, they both came, Hero first, and then John. She pressed a quick kiss to his collarbone as he collapsed next to her, his limbs shaking. They both stared wide-eyed at the ceiling for a moment.

“Wow.” Hero turned her head to look at John, and all of a sudden they were both giggling. She wasn’t sure why.

“Well, that was…” John looked to her for an answer, suddenly feeling shy. Did he really just have sex with Hero Duke?

“Pretty good.”

John just laughed and pulled her closer, kissing her damp forehead. She was so beautiful, with her hair mussed and her eyes shining with post-sex glow.

“And how was I?” Hero asked him.

He looked away, pretending to think. “You were…pretty good.”

Hero just pushed him playfully. “Fuck off.”

“Nah, I’m good.” John leaned in to kiss her. She kissed him back soundly, one hand on his shoulder.

“No, but seriously John, that was amazing.” Hero glanced down. She wasn’t lying. She had to admit, for her first time, she lucked out. Most girls didn’t get orgasms on their first time.

“You’re welcome.”

Hero smiled and pressed a kiss to his neck, her lips lingering. John tried not to shiver.

“Are you giving me a hickey now?” Her mouth felt so good against his hot skin.

“Maybe.”

“Cheers.”

After a minute, she leaned back and turned to slide out of bed. John protested the sudden absence of her warmth.

“Hey!”

“I’ll be right back, Mr. Impatient. Don’t look at me, I’m naked!” Hero scurried over to the table by the door to grab a few water bottles. She was getting them water. Even John hadn’t thought of that. None of the girls he slept with had ever done that, either.

John sat up. “Hero, we literally just had sex. I’ve already seen you naked. You’re beautiful, okay? Now get over here.”

She sheepishly returned to the bed and handed John a water bottle.

“Thanks.”

Hero nodded, gulping from the bottle. John tried not to let his eyes linger on her mouth for too long. She sighed, then glanced over to catch John staring at her with an odd look on his face.

“What?” Hero covered herself with the bedsheet, suddenly self-conscious. He shifted closer, drawing an arm around her.

“Nothing. I’m just…I’m glad I was your first.” John looked down, certain she would make fun of him. But she just grinned happily.

“And I’m your, what? Fourth? Fifth?”

“I haven’t been with _that_ many girls!”

Hero nodded somberly. “Right, just a couple of them.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“You’ll have to make me,” Hero teased, suddenly releasing the sheet and sitting atop him. She bent down to kiss him slowly. He rested his hands on her thighs. John had already missed touching her, and it’d barely been that long.

“Mmm.” He lightly touched a lock of her hair. Hero rested her forehead against John’s, her hands on his chest. “A bit too soon for round two, don’t you think?”

“I can make you ready for round two,” Hero promised, her hand drifting down toward his cock.

“Fuck, Hero.”

She just grinned. “On second thought…”

“Hero!”

She drew her hand back to rest on his chest. “You hungry?”

“Yeah, but not for food,” John answered, grasping her chin and kissing her. He took her by surprise then, by gripping her hips and rolling over so that he was the one on top now. She blinked up at him, then narrowed her eyes.

“John!”

“Yes, Hero?” He pressed his lips to her neck. She closed her eyes.

“You’re turning me on again.”

“Hmm, I don’t see the problem.”

“The problem is, I want to go eat!” With effort, Hero pushed John off her and sat up, giving him a look.

“Okay, okay. We’ll go.” He kissed her quickly one last time before the both of them searched around for their clothes. John found them all lying in a pile at the foot of the bed. He picked out Hero’s clothes and handed them to her. She offered him a grateful smile.

“So, what now?” John asked as they headed to a fast food place nearby. He couldn’t help but walk closer to her than usual.

“What do you mean?” Hero said absent-mindedly, searching for the sign out front.

“I mean, what is this now?” He gestured between the two of them. “Is this…is this a thing now?”

Hero sighed. “Let’s talk about it later, okay?”

“Oh. Okay.”

But John couldn’t stay too disappointed, because she still touched his arm when speaking to him. She still smiled at him over her hamburger and fries. No, he wasn’t imagining it. Hero definitely looked at him a bit differently than she did before they’d had sex.

And when they left the restaurant, he casually wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to his side. Hero glanced up at him, but said nothing.

It wasn’t until they returned to the hostel room that John started getting nervous again. What if she’d tell him that that was that, and they were to never speak of it again?

“Come on, John, let’s sit.” Hero sank down onto the edge of the bed, ignoring all the messed up sheets they’d left behind. He swallowed and sat by her, careful to keep some distance.

“Look. Yes, I’m attracted to you. Yes, the sex was great. Really, it was. Thank you. But…you know me. There can’t be any feelings involved. Do you understand?”

“Of course.”

“Which is why I think we should stay friends. But, you know, with extra benefits.”

John shot Hero a surprised glance. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Oh, yes.”

“So you mean, I can still sleep with you?”

“As friends, yes.” Hero allowed herself a small smile.

John breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. I think I would’ve gone mad if I could never touch you again.”

She smirked when he tried to kiss her. “I think round two will have to wait, my friend.”

“Dammit, Hero.”

“You can, however, kiss me goodnight.”

“Are you just making up all these rules on the spot?”

“Yup.”

“Right.”

 

And later, when they were both situated in bed, and the light was switched off, Hero gave John a warning look.

“One kiss.”

“Hero,” he whined.

“It’s that or nothing at all.”

“God, fine.” John reached over and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. He drew back with difficulty. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t stop kissing her.

Hero smiled. “Goodnight, fuckbuddy.”

John rolled his eyes fondly. “Goodnight, _Hero_.”

She closed her eyes and fell asleep within seconds, exhausted from the events of the day. John, on the other hand, was wide awake. His mind wouldn’t shut off long enough to let him fall asleep. He couldn’t look anywhere but at Hero sleeping. Couldn’t think of anything else but her. Couldn’t stop thinking of her touching him, of her moaning underneath him, of her lips on his bare skin.

 _Fuck_.

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Hero is forced to flee her hostel and finds a new ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, brief sex scene

Not much changed after that. Yes, Hero and John had sex pretty much every other day. Yes, the looks and lingering touches occurred more often now. Yes, they got along much better now that they weren’t sexually frustrated anymore.

But other than that, the two still got snarky and sarcastic with each other, and they still nicked wallets from the pockets of unsuspecting strangers. They still smoked together and drank way too much at nightclubs.

Two nights after their first time, Hero had fucked an odd-looking guy who was staring at her from across the room at some dance club she and John had popped into. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to fuck John—she usually did. But she just wanted a change that night. She didn’t get why he didn’t understand. Thankfully, he didn’t cause too much of a fuss over it in fear of losing his privileges with her.

That’s when Hero came up with the boundaries to their new relationship. Romantic feelings for the other were to be avoided at any cost. If either of them even suspected, they had to stop immediately. Hero had made it clear with John that what they were doing was just sex, purely physical. Holding hands or cuddling was not allowed. Neither were pet names or romantic gestures. However, groping each other was. And just to ensure the complete avoidance of romantic feelings, Hero insisted that they both fuck other people as well.

A week had passed since that night. It was morning, and Hero was lying in bed watching John rummage around in his backpack. She smiled thinking of how great last night was, and how awesome his ass looked in his jeans.

“Hero,” John said curiously. “We’re running out of money for the hostel.”

She stretched lazily, covering a yawn with her hand. “Okay, so let’s go to the mall.”

His gaze bore into her. “We’re short two hundred dollars.”

Hero sat up slowly. “Shit.”

“Shit is right.”

“What are we going to do?”

John paced the room, ending up at the window. “We could work all day and just hope we get enough money to cover it. But what if that doesn’t work?”

Hero didn’t have an answer for him.

He squinted out the window. “Okay. We both count our money, see how much we have.”

She quickly changed into clean clothes and grabbed the wallets from her bag. Among the two of them, they barely had one hundred dollars.

“So we’ll hit the mall and the town center. It’ll work out, John.” Hero touched his arm.

Despite hitting the jackpot, Hero and John were suddenly mugged in an alleyway. She’d dragged him off the street to push him against the wall and kiss him, still exhilarated from their success. Before they could get too into it, though, they were attacked. It was just a few teenagers, but they certainly looked like people you didn’t want to mess with. She reckoned they must’ve been following her and John.

Hero did her best to fight back, but they were outnumbered. The kids ran off with both their bags, laughing cruelly. She and John were left standing in the alleyway, unable to face what had just happened.

They were fucked.

 

“They’re going to be here in the morning, and they’ll ask for the money, and we won’t have it,” John said hoarsely, frozen on the bed.

Hero didn’t know how to comfort him, or how to fix this. She figured they could only stay there for so long.

“John, listen,” she began. “We’re going to be fine. We’ll find another place.”

He just looked at her, fear and dread in his eyes.

“We’ll be okay. As long as we stick together. Remember?”

John nodded numbly.

Hero studied him for a moment longer. “What do you want to do? Do you want to go, right now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” He dropped his head into his hands.

 

Morning came and went. Hero was beginning to wonder if John was still alive. He’d barely moved for twenty minutes now. She wondered if she should be worried.

“John.”

Nothing. She tried again.

“John!” Hero lightly tapped the side of his face. He slowly blinked over at her.

“What?” He looked so tired. Hero saw cloudy skies in his eyes. She sighed and rested her hand on his chest.

“We can just hide out here until someone shows up to throw us out,” she whispered.

John smiled, for the first time since yesterday. Hero realized she’d missed it. He shook his head chuckling.

“You’re-you’re just…” He reached out and pulled Hero closer suddenly, burying his face in her neck. Hero giggled, taken aback.

“Uh uh, no snuggling, remember?”

“Sorry, can’t hear you, bye.” John nestled further into her. She just sighed and smoothed the hair back from his face.

“You are ridiculous.” Hero gazed at him amusedly.

“Nah,” John replied, leaning forward to kiss her. She pulled away after a minute.

“I have morning breath.”

“I really don’t give a shit about that, Hero.”

She smiled, kissing him again. She figured she would let him have this. It seemed to make him happier, anyway.

Hero wasted no time in sitting atop John, sliding her hands up his shirt. She hummed when he licked into her mouth. She relished in the feel of his warm hands on her bare legs, and was starting to get into it when suddenly John stopped. Hero pulled back, glancing down at him worriedly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. I just—sorry. Not in the mood anymore.” John looked away, feeling guilty.

Hero sat up, still on top of him. “Oh. Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” She looked so worried, and so hurt. He felt like such an asshole.

“Okay. Don’t worry about it,” Hero said quietly. She offered him a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes and lifted herself off of him. He’d never refused her for sex. This was bad. He was doing worse than she thought.

Fuck. He never wanted to see that look on her face again. John scooted closer to her and cupped her cheek, peering into her eyes. “Hey.” Hero glanced up at him. Her eyes were so blue. She was so goddamn gorgeous and he wanted to kick himself for pushing her away. “I still want you. Just not right now. Okay?”

Hero shook her head, laughing at herself. “Okay. It’s fine. Really.”

He heaved a sigh, resting his forehead against hers. Tentatively pressed his lips against hers once, twice. She kissed him back. Planted another kiss onto his forehead. He pulled her into his arms, breathing her in.

Hero laid her head onto John’s shoulder. She took comfort in the sound of his heartbeat and the smell of his skin. She realized that being with him made her forget the throbbing of her shattered heart, and the fact that she was completely fucked up. And it scared her to death.

She forced herself to draw back, suddenly feeling cold again.

“That was your free pass,” Hero said, grinning at John. “Next time you want cuddles, you are not getting them from me.”

He frowned at her. “Why are you so strict?”

“Because you like sleeping with me?”

“Yeah, that’s probably it.”  

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Hero and John whipped their heads around at almost the same time, panic crossing their faces.

Another knock. “Management!”

“Time to go,” Hero whispered to John. He nodded, stealthily getting out of bed. She tip-toed over to the window and opened it quickly.

Whoever was outside knocked again. “Hello? It’s management. We just need to collect your rent for last week.”

Hero tried to stifle her giggles as she edged out of the window and jumped to the ground. They were on the second floor, but there wasn’t much of a fall anyway. Not enough to break a bone. She grunted as she landed, bruising her elbow. Hero quickly stood up and looked at the window. She watched as John slowly inched out of the room.

“Hurry up!” He glanced at her, looking distressed. “Go ahead, jump!”

John’s face twisted into a grimace and leaped rather awkwardly out the window onto the ground. He landed on his ankle and groaned in pain.

“Oh, fuck.”

Hero rolled her eyes, pulling him to his feet. “You’re fine, now let’s go!” She took off, away from the hostel, away from the main street.

John tried his best to keep up with her, but he could only get so far so fast with a limp. Hero stopped when she saw how far behind he was.

“Come on, come on, they’re gonna call the cops,” Hero urged, grasping his hand and pulling him along with her. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of heights as well as spiders.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Hero and John just looked at each other and burst into laughter, both a little giddy over their hasty escape. She leaned against a wall, trying to catch her breath. She was still holding his hand.

“I can’t believe we did that.” Hero smiled up at him, her cheeks flushed.

John resisted the urge to kiss her. “I know.”

“So, what now?”

“I don’t fucking know, Hero. I don’t know.”

“Are you still worrying over finding a place to stay? Because I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal.” She had both of his hands in hers now. She knew it was a bad idea, but she couldn’t seem to make herself let go of him just yet.

“Really? Alright, where are we going to sleep?”

She shrugged.

“Where are we gonna have sex? Did you think about that?”

Hero smirked at him. “Who says we’re gonna do that?”

John frowned at her. “Don’t tease me, Hero.”

She bit her lip and gazed at him, pulling him close to her. “Anywhere you like, really.”

Fuck, how was she so good at that?

“Hero, please.”

She just leaned up and touched her lips to his neck. John closed his eyes, trying not to shiver. It was so hard to resist her.

“Hero,” John protested weakly. “Come on, please. I said I didn’t want to, not right now.”

Hero pulled back, her hand resting on the back of his neck. Her eyes seemed so dark.

“I can’t even think about that right now, okay? And stop looking at me like that, like you’re trying to seduce me.”

“John-” Hero began. But he’d already turned away and stalked down the street. She couldn’t move for a moment, her mind trying to make sense of what just happened. She shook her head and followed John, keeping distance between them. She couldn’t explain why her heart jumped when he looked back. It took her by surprise; her heart had stopped functioning a long time ago.

Shit.

 

Hero wasn’t sure what time it was or how she’d ended up in this tiny dark nightclub with music booming in her ears. All she knew was that some guy was shouting into her ear, holding a beer in his hand. She looked down to find a drink in her hand, too, but she couldn’t remember getting it.

John was across the room, making out with some girl in fishnets. He’d been ignoring her all night. Hero wanted to throw her bottle at him. Fine. Two could play at this game.

Trying not to stumble, she turned toward the guy talking to her and leaned forward, sticking her tongue in his mouth. He wasn’t the best kisser in the world, but Hero was too drunk to care. All too soon she found herself on a bathroom sink, the guy thrusting into her. Everything was hazy, and Hero barely noticed the other occupants in the bathroom as they came and went. He was panting in her ear, and she wasn’t turned on at all, and it ended all too soon. Hero took a swig from her bottle.

He pulled his pants back up and stuck his tongue in her mouth again. He left after feeling her up. She didn’t even come. That fucker. Hero was too far gone to get too angry about it.

Hero stumbled out of the bathroom, searching the room for John. He was gone. They must’ve escaped to a corner to fuck to their hearts’ content. Well, fuck him. He could have sex with anyone he wanted. She hated him.

In an effort to shake the thoughts from her head, Hero began to dance, the music filling her up. It was all she could hear, feel, see. She didn’t know how long she danced for, but all of a sudden, she found herself in the back alley outside, puking. Hero couldn’t breathe, could barely move. Her limbs were so weak. She must’ve drunk more than she thought she did. Hero’s insides felt like acid, and she couldn’t stop throwing it all up. God, when would it stop?

Hero panted, one hand on the wall to prop her. She coughed and spit out remaining flecks of vomit. She was still so, so drunk. She needed a cigarette, and swore loudly when she remembered she didn’t have any.

She stood up slowly, pausing when she felt her stomach twist again. After determining that she wouldn’t throw up again, Hero straightened, taking deep breaths and smoothing her hair down. She glanced around to find two girls chatting loudly by the back door. They didn’t seem to notice her. Hero approached them, trying not to sway or fall down.

“Hey, you got a cig’rette?” Hero slurred, focusing on the taller one. She had sharp brown eyes smudged with eyeliner, and wore a leather jacket.

“Sure do, babe.” The girl shot Hero a grin and pulled a cigarette out of her pocket, handing it to Hero. Hero struggled to grasp the cigarette firmly, almost dropping it.

“Here.” Leather Jacket stepped closer to Hero and lit it. Hero gratefully inhaled and turned her head up, blowing smoke towards the sky. She felt so much better.

“Thanks.” She lifted her cigarette at the girl, who nodded.

Leather Jacket looked at Hero curiously. “Are you here by yourself?”

Was she here by herself? Technically she and John had arrived there together, but he ditched her soon after that.

“I don’t know,” Hero said slowly.

The girl exchanged a glance with her friend. “Do you have anywhere to stay tonight?”

Hero shook her head. “No. Not anymore.”

“Well, you do now. You’re coming with us.” Leather Jacket gently took Hero’s arm into her own and began to escort her toward the street.

“Wait…”

Leather Jacket looked at her fiercely, almost protectively. “Girls have gotta stick together, yeah?”

Hero brought her cigarette back to her mouth. “Yeah. I guess.”

She grinned. “Well, then you’re safe with me. Right, Allie?”

Allie nodded vehemently. “Yeah, Gemma’s for real. She’s got your back.”

They didn’t get very far when Hero heard her name being called.

Leather Jacket—Gemma—turned to Hero. “That you, babe?”

“Yeah.” Hero turned away to find John standing at the back door. Fishnet girl was nowhere in sight.

“Shit,” Gemma cursed under her breath.

“No, no, it’s fine. That’s just John.”

Gemma narrowed her eyes in his direction. “We’re leaving. Right now.”

John caught up to them before Hero could protest too much. “Hero, what the fuck?” He was drunk, too. Hero could tell.

She broke away from Gemma’s grasp and jabbed a finger at John. “Fuck you,” she sneered.

“Fuck you too!”

“Did you have a nice time fucking?” Hero’s anger returned suddenly, tenfold this time.

“Yeah, it was great. Did you enjoy snogging that asshole?”

Hero shrugged off Gemma’s hand. “More than I ever enjoyed fucking you, you-you bastard!” She realized she was crying now, and looked up just in time to see John’s expression turn into shock and hurt.

“Hero...what are we doing? Let’s just go.”

She wiped her eyes furiously. “Fuck you, John. You don’t get to ignore me all night and then show up when you decide to give a shit.”

John rubbed her arms soothingly. “I’m sorry, okay? We’re both drunk. Let’s just go.”

“Hero,” Gemma called out from behind her. “Don’t listen to him.”

Hero didn’t know what to do. He was the one she felt safest with. But she was also furious with him right now. She didn’t know if she could stand to be near him when she knew he’d fucked someone else and not her.

She looked into his eyes coldly. “I don’t want you anymore.” Each word was like a missile to John. He stepped back.

“What?”

“I don’t want you anymore. Fuck off. Go screw all the girls you want.” And with that, Hero turned around and walked back to Gemma’s side. She smiled gently down at Hero and extended her hand. Hero took it without hesitation. She didn’t think about what she’d just done, choosing instead to inhale from her cigarette.

“You’re one of us now, babe.” Gemma said proudly.

“Cool,” Hero replied nonchalantly. “Where to next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being shorter than i expected, but i hope you enjoy! the next few chapters are coming up soon, i promise


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Hero joins a girl gang, learns how to fight, and takes on a new name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, smoking, sex mention, panic attack

Hero woke up on the floor to the incessant pounding of her head. God, had someone dropped a pile of bricks on her? The ache sharpened suddenly and Hero groaned. It was difficult to think or move very much. Her skin felt stretched too tight, and her mouth was a desert. It was painful to swallow. Her lungs screamed for water.

Where the hell was she? What happened? Hero glanced down, relieved to see her clothes were still on. She heard herself breathing shallowly. She looked around to find a few girls lying on a bed by the window. She had to close her eyes when the light caused her head to pound more.

“God,” Hero croaked. She tried to swallow again, sitting up slowly. Every bone in her body protested loudly at her movements. “John?”

Then everything came back to her in flashes. Hero groaned again at the memory of what happened between her and John. She’d been so drunk, and so angry at him. She didn’t know where he was, but at the moment, she was too hungover to give him much more thought.

Hero remained on the floor for a few minutes, her head bent down and her knees pulled to her chest. She found that her head ached less in that position.

“She’s alive,” came a distant voice. Hero jumped a little, then winced. She hadn’t realized there was anyone else present in the room.

“Fuck,” Hero muttered. The girl just chuckled and kept her gaze in a mirror, carefully applying eyeliner.

“Who are you?” Hero squinted up at the girl.

The girl turned her eyes to Hero and grinned. “I’m Gemma. And you’re Hero. We met last night, remember? You’re a wild one, babe.”

Suddenly Hero remembered her. She remembered taking Gemma’s hand, and dancing with her in the dark, and puking in the toilet as Gemma pushed her hair back from her face. She remembered Gemma telling her she was one of them now. Only, she didn’t remember who “them” was.

“Oh. Right.” Hero managed to stand up, laying a hand on the wall for support. Her stomach lurched, and it was all she could do to not throw up again. She took deep breaths until the nausea passed. So many questions ran through her mind she struggled to keep them straight. Hero settled on one.

“Where am I?”

“In my apartment, of course.” Gemma finished her eyeliner. “How are you feeling, by the way? You were an absolute mess when you passed out.”

“This is your apartment?”

“Yeah.”

“How can you…?”

“I work, silly. And I’m friends with the landlord, so she lets me get away with not paying rent sometimes.”

“Ah, cool.” Hero spotted Gemma’s tiny kitchen and made her way to the sink. God, when would her stomach stop churning? She leaned over the counter and swallowed, forcing the bile down her throat.

Gemma appeared at her side and rubbed her back. Hero could see her reaching for something out of the corner of her eye.

“Here, see if you can keep this down.” Gemma handed her a cool glass of water, which Hero gulped from noisily. She muttered a thanks and took a breath, relishing in the comfort of the soothing liquid.

“I feel like shit,” Hero said hoarsely, standing up.

“You’ll feel better once you eat, babe.”

“Not hungry. I need a cig, though.”

“I’ll give you some money to buy some. There’s a shop just down the street.”

“Thanks. Where’s John?”

Gemma eyed her suspiciously. “You ditched him, remember? You don’t need him, Hero.”

She had ditched him, hadn’t she? Hero changed the subject. “So the girls out there, they live here too?”

Gemma smiled. “Yeah. Those are the twins. You’ll meet them in a bit.”

“I didn’t meet them last night?”

“Nah, they’re still too young to come out with us. And Vi’s just popped down to the shops, she’ll be back any minute.”

Hero nodded absent-mindedly. “Think I’ll go to that shop now.”

“Here’s a twenty, knock yourself out babe.” Gemma grinned at her and turned to leave the kitchen.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Hero stepped out onto the street, a bottle of vodka in her hand and a cigarette between her fingertips. If there was one thing she knew in this new environment, it was that this definitely was not a nice neighborhood. Since she didn’t have the fucker around anymore, she decided it was time to learn to defend herself. Hero had to know how to fight, especially now that her knife was gone. She took a moment to curse those greasy, rotten teenagers who mugged her, then found her way back to Gemma’s apartment. It was in a small, run down building with cracked walls and dubious smells. Hero couldn’t believe Gemma lived in a place like this. She seemed like the type of girl who belonged in a house, or a mansion, or something. She just had that air about her.

“Found your way back?” Gemma greeted her as Hero walked in the door.

“Yeah, this place is hard to miss. Want a drink?”

“Always.” Gemma grinned and took a long swig from the bottle.

Hero eyed her. “You’re not going to lecture me about drinking during the day?”

“Um, no, why would I do that?”

Hero shook her head and took a drink of her own. “No reason.”

“Right, okay, anyway, like I said last night, you’re one of us now. Right now there’s me, the twins, and Violet. There have been other girls, but they all left eventually.”

Hero took a puff on her cigarette. “Okay. How long have you been…?”

“On the street? It’s okay to say it.” Gemma glanced toward the twins, still asleep on the bed.

She wondered if John was okay, then quickly drank from the bottle to get rid of that thought.

“Anyway, I was on the street for quite some time, but eventually I saved up enough for a place, and I’ve been here since.” Gemma shrugged.

“Wow.” Hero could feel her hangover slipping away the more she drank.

“And now that you’re with me, I got your back. I’ll teach you everything I know. I’ll keep you safe from creeps.”

Hero laughed. “Cheers, Gemma. Hope you can do a better job than the last one.”

Gemma’s face fell. “You mean…John? Did he…did he ever…?”

“Did he ever what?”

“Did he ever lay a finger on you? You can tell me, Hero, and I swear I’ll-”

She shook her head, looking down. She was more than a bit tipsy at this point. She realized drinking hadn’t helped chase away her thoughts of him after all. “No. He didn’t.”

Gemma stared Hero down. “Are you sure? You’re safe now. You can tell me if it was abusive. He’s gone now, he can’t hurt you.”

Hero put up a hand to stop her. “No, no, no, no. He wasn’t…it wasn’t…it wasn’t like that.”

“Alright, I believe you. So, listen, here’s how it’s gonna be. As long as you live here, you have to abide by my rules. You can come and go as you like, just don’t bring people back. Probably goes without saying, but don’t trash the place. Don’t get in fights with the residents. Sarah hates that.”

“Sarah?”

“The landlord.”

“Right.”

“And don’t worry about rent. I make enough for all of us. That’s pretty much it. Sarah isn’t too picky.”

“Anything else?”

Gemma leaned in, a somber look on her face. “We all have a past we try to escape. A former version of ourselves we struggle to forget. I offer every girl who joins me the chance to change her name—if she so chooses. Mostly for protection, mostly just for the street rat in them.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you have a choice, Hero. You can choose to be someone else. We all have. Makes it easier to survive.”

Hero was silent for a moment. “Okay. Thank you.”

Gemma nodded. “And one more thing. Watch out for the other girl gangs in this neighborhood. They’re not all nice.”

Hero laughed. “We’re a girl gang now?”

She smirked. “We always have been.”

“Never thought I’d be part of a girl gang.”

She grinned at Hero.

“So, are you going to baby me?”

Gemma stared at her for a long time. “No. I’m going to keep you alive.”

Hero didn’t know what to say to that. She couldn’t quite figure Gemma out yet. If she would turn out to be overprotective and always hovering like John was, Hero was out of there.

She decided to change the subject. “So you said you’ll teach me to fight? I could do with a bit of that. Lost my knife a while back.”

 

Gemma stayed true to her word and took Hero out that same day for basic lessons, accompanied by the twins. Apparently they were excellent fighters. Gemma had introduced them as Kaia and Keke, but later told Hero that they all just called them the twins. Hero had a feeling she would have trouble remembering which was which; they both looked almost identical at first glance. Same dark skin, same long wavy hair, same black eyes. Kaia seemed to be the one with the perpetual grin while Keke looked more serious. Hero realized that Kaia reminded her a little of her old self. That naïve, trusting blond girl with the sunny smile. It made her want to be sick. Hero had pushed this thought away and focused on the task at hand.

She’d met Violet too, not too long into her conversation with Gemma. She looked up to watch the door open and a tall girl with short blond hair and sad grey eyes walk in.

“Violet, meet our newest recruit, Hero. Hero, meet Violet.” Gemma beamed at the two of them.

Violet had greeted Hero quietly, almost shyly. She seemed to Hero like a skittish horse who hadn’t been broken in yet. If it weren’t for her height and her masculine features, Hero didn’t think she could pick Violet out of a crowd. She’d never met a transgender person before.

“Are you coming with us?” Hero asked Violet when Gemma told her of their plans.

Violet lowered her eyes and shook her head, her hands fidgeting. “No. I don’t really…I don’t really fight.”

Gemma turned to Hero. “Violet’s more of the lookout type. She watches our backs.”

“Ah.”

 

The rest of the day passed by in a blur Hero struggled to remember. Gemma had taught her how to throw a mean right hook, how to fend off an attacker, and how to know when to retreat. The twins proved to be excellent examples, too. Gemma had her practice multiple times with them, and only stopped when she was satisfied that Hero was fairly adept at it.

“We’ll have to get you some new things, babe,” Gemma had remarked at some point, taking in the sight of Hero’s dirty, ripped clothes. “You can’t stay in those clothes forever.”

The twins popped at both sides of Hero, startling her. “Yeah, we can get you whatever you want.” They grinned at her, making it impossible to tell which one was Kaia and which one was Keke.

“Uh, thanks. But how…?” Hero glanced at Gemma, confused.

“They nick stuff, mainly when we don’t have money. Drinks, tampons, food, you name it and the twins can get it. It’s a talent, really.”

“Cool.” Hero tilted her head up and blew smoke out of her mouth. “I can nick my own things, too.”

“I’m sure you can, babe.”

“I’m pretty good at it.”

Gemma just nudged her playfully. “I believe you.”

 

She only vaguely remembered the events of that night. It was her, Gemma, Violet, and Allie. They took shots and danced in the same corner all night. Hero couldn’t remember the last time she felt so free. Every time a guy sidled a bit too close, Gemma stared him down until he left. Hero couldn’t find it in her to protest too much.

Hero wasn’t sure how much time had passed or where she was. All she knew was that Gemma and Violet were walking next to her down a street, both of them giggling uncontrollably. She took a drag on her cigarette, smiling a little at them.

“What you on about?”

Gemma just snorted out another laugh in response, while Violet chuckled quietly. Hero shook her head, amused.

“So where we going?”

“I know this guy who gives out free drinks to anyone he knows,” Gemma explained, her eyes a bit unfocused. “His bar’s just over here.”

“Oh. Cool.”

It wasn’t anything special, as far as bars went. It had the same noise and the same crowd, the same guys and the same music. If the best thing about this place, according to Gemma, was the free booze, then it couldn’t have been that spectacular.

Gemma shot a grin at Hero. “Come on, babe, we got us a regular spot.”

Hero followed the others to a small booth tucked against the wall. She shrugged her hoodie off and glanced around. There seemed to be more girls present than guys. A lot more. And way hotter than what Hero was used to seeing in her usual haunts. “Well, if the best thing about this place is the free booze, I’m not complaining.”

Gemma barked out a laugh and Violet reluctantly smiled to herself. “Yeah, well, just watch out for Damon, the guy I told you about? He’s nothing but trouble. If it was up to me, I’d avoid him, but he lives in my building, and well, I can never turn down free alcohol.”

Soon afterward, a tall lean guy sauntered up to their booth and began talking to Gemma. Hero paid him no mind, figuring that Gemma would send him away with a withering remark. But then she realized Gemma was trying to get her attention.

“Hmm?” Hero glanced up at the guy, and instantly froze.

Oh god. Oh no. No, this was not happening. Not again. She felt her blood turn to ice and her heart—what was left of it, anyway—twist in pain. She’d thought the nightmares were bad enough, but now she was actually living them.

“Claudio?” Her voice went high, too high, but Hero was a little too panicked to care.

He was looking at her, they were all looking at her, with eyes more questioning than alarmed. He shook his head and grinned at her.

“No, I’m Damon. Gemma’s friend. Nice to meet you.”

 _Fucking hell, pull yourself together_. “Hi. I’m, uh,” Hero managed to say, her heart pounding. What was that name she liked? “Poppy. I’m Poppy.” She spotted Gemma smiling at her across the table.

Damon nodded at her. “Pleasure. Now what does a pretty girl like you want to drink tonight?”

Hero tried to keep her fidgeting to a minimum while she blurted out her order, avoiding eye contact. She waited until Damon walked away before speaking again.

“Uh, just gotta…pop outside,” she mumbled as she slid out of the booth and practically ran out the bar.

Hero was barely able to keep her breathing under control. She made her way down a side street, beginning to hyperventilate. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hero was going to pass out. She bent over, one hand on the wall to steady herself. Her breaths came too fast and loud now. Oh god. She hadn’t had an attack like this in a while. It was coming back, it was all coming back.

_Everyone was singing, and she was smiling. Then—_

_Yelling. Clenched hands. Sharp glares._

_“I hate you.”_

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Hero cried out between gasps. His words echoed and amplified in her mind. She could hear nothing else, feel nothing else, see nothing else but his fury. It was getting harder to breathe. Damn her weak lungs.

Hero stood up and tilted her head back, trying desperately to get gulps of the cool night air inside her. _Breathe, just breathe_. She fumbled for her cigarette pack, her hands shaking, but doubled over before she could take one out. Her stomach twisted and she heaved, but nothing came out. God, why did her body hate her? She wasn’t even that drunk yet. Hero panted and wiped her mouth, coughing loudly.

“Fucking hell,” she muttered. At least the worst of it seemed to be over. Thank god. She hated him for doing this to her. She hated Damon for reminding her. And she hated John for letting her walk away. No, she hated him for ruining her life. She couldn’t let her time with him cloud her judgment.

Hero took a few deep breaths, waiting for her body to stop shaking and her heartbeat to slow down. It never took her very long to calm down from a panic attack.

God, was this going to happen every time she saw Damon? What she was going to do? Hero paced back and forth, desperately puffing away on a cigarette.

Okay, okay, okay. Gemma said he was trouble, so she _should_ stay away from him. Problem was, she didn’t think she would be able to. He was embedded too deeply into Gemma’s life. Fuck.

“Get it together,” Hero scolded herself. “You’ll figure something out.”

She downed her drink in one gulp as soon as she returned to the table, ignoring the looks Gemma and Violet gave her.

“Alright?” Violet asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Fine.” Hero glanced away, eyes searching for Damon. He was still behind the counter, and he was staring right back at her. She quickly averted her eyes, her heart thumping.

“So, Poppy, huh? It’s cute.”

“Cheers, Gemma.” Hero needed another drink, and now.

“What’s that short for?”

“Er, Persephone,” Hero replied distractedly. “She was always my favorite goddess.”

“Mine, too!”

“Cool. So, Damon. What’s his deal?” Hero looked up to see Gemma frown.

“What do you mean?”

“You said he’s trouble.”

“Oh, he’s just a huge flirt, and if you’re not careful, he’ll get in your pants.”

Hero scoffed. “Is that it? I was thinking that he was some sort of drug lord or pimp or something.”

Gemma and Violet exchanged amused glances, which she didn’t miss.

“What?”

Gemma turned her gaze back to Hero. “Well, I mean, he can be pretty persuasive. Once he wants something, he doesn’t stop till he gets it.”

“So he’s a rapist, is what you’re saying.”

“No, no, no! Damon’s a piece of work, but even he knows when he’s not getting laid.”

Violet nodded. “Pretty much.”

Hero gestured between the two of them. “Has he tried to sleep with you, too?”

The two girls giggled, leaning into each other.

“I don’t think I’m his type,” Violet quipped.

“He’s tried a few times in the past, but I’ve made it clear I’m not interested.” Gemma sipped from her drink.

“Well, I mean, it’s just sex, what’s the big deal?” Hero didn’t mention that she would absolutely not sleep with him, either.

Gemma narrowed her eyes at her and suddenly Hero knew she shouldn’t have said that. “I’m ace, I don’t really have sex.”

She was what? Hero glanced at Violet, who didn’t look at all perturbed by the announcement. “Sorry?”

She rolled her eyes. “God, do they not teach you these things at school? I’m asexual. As in, I don’t feel sexual attraction, which means I don’t want to have sex with anyone, which means I don’t have sex. Cool?”

Hero struggled to wrap her mind around this. Since she lost her virginity, she thought having sex was what you were supposed to do. And she liked it. She couldn’t fathom the idea of not doing it, at all. But she liked Gemma, and respected her, so she decided to just go with it. “Um, yeah. Cool.”

Gemma sighed and glanced over at the bar, catching Damon’s eye. “Anyway, yeah, now you know. You can have as much sex as you like, just don’t expect me to double with you.”

“Looks like he fancies you,” Violet murmured to Hero, shooting her a look as Damon appeared at their table again.

“Ladies,” Damon greeted them with a glint in his eye. He turned to Hero. “Can I interest you in some shots?”

Hero held his gaze, determined not to look away. She wasn’t sure how it started, but she knew this was a game they were playing. If Damon was interested in her, well, Hero would make damn sure he couldn’t have her. It didn’t mean she couldn’t flirt with him, though.

“Absolutely.” Hero touched his arm and gave him the look she used to give John when she wanted to have sex. She was rewarded with a slow grin.

“Thanks, Damon,” Gemma dismissed him with a smile. She gaped at Hero. “Poppy, you minx!”

She shrugged. “I’m just bored.”

“Well, now he’s definitely gonna come after you.”

“He can try,” Hero smirked. Damon didn’t know what he was dealing with. If he ever thought he could get with her, well, he was dead wrong. She felt a strange sort of satisfaction at the thought of toying with him. It made her feel more in control of everything that had happened to her.

“Well, damn.” Violet raised her eyebrows at her.

After their shots, Gemma sighed and tapped the table with her fingertips. “Right, well, I’m off to work. You two okay to get home?”

“At this time of the night? Where do you work?”

“I’m a stripper,” Gemma said simply.

Hero gaped at her. “You-you’re-is there anything else I should know about you, Gemma?”

She smirked. “Not really. Anyway, time to go, babes.” And with that, she and Violet slid out of the booth, Hero following suit.

“But, Gemma,” Hero whined. “I don’t want to.”

Gemma fixed her with a stern glance. “Do you even know your way back, Pop?”

“Um. Well…”

She sighed, turning pleading eyes to Violet. “Vi, will you stay with her?”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

“You’re the best. I’ll be back in the morning, loves.” Gemma kissed Violet’s cheek and smiled at Hero. “Stay safe, you two, and Poppy, remember everything I taught you, okay?”

“Yes, Gemma.”

She walked out with her head held high, commanding the attention of everyone she passed. Gemma acted like she didn’t care what anyone thought of her, like nothing bad had ever happened to her. Like she didn’t care what happened to her, but she would fight tooth, nail, and claw to protect her own. Hero watched her go in awe. She was a wolf in the disguise of a woman.

Violet turned to Hero. “So, shall we go?”

Hero shook her head. It’d been a few days since she felt another’s touch. She missed it fiercely. “Not just yet. I need to get laid.”

“Right. Right.” Violet looked slightly uncomfortable at Hero’s brazenness. “Not with Damon, for the love of god.”

Hero glanced over at him. He was busy mixing drinks, but met her gaze. He was halfway across the room, but she could still see the desire in his eyes. She smiled to herself a little. “No. Not with Damon.”

Violet breathed a sigh of relief. “Probably for the best.”

“Come on, we’re going back to that club.” Hero slipped back into her hoodie, trying not to tip over. “We won’t stay long.” She looked back at Damon one last time, and was extremely satisfied to find him watching her walk out.

“Um, Poppy,” Violet sputtered nervously. “I don’t want to, you know, hold you back or anything, but, but I don’t want to…”

Hero lit a cigarette as they walked down the street. “Oh, don’t worry, you don’t need to. You can just stick around. You’ll be fine.”

“Right.” Violet sounded worried.

She grinned up at Violet as they entered the club for the second time that night. “I’ll come find you when I’m ready to leave.”

“Be careful, Poppy.”

Hero fucked a well-built, blond guy who had bought her a drink. It was good, and they both got off, but still Hero wasn’t satisfied. She was surprised to find that he wasn’t the type to ditch her after sex. They ended up on the dance floor, his hands on her ass and his tongue in her throat. Hero spotted Violet standing in a corner, keeping to herself.

“Wait here,” the guy shouted over the music and weaved his way through the crowd to the bar. Hero caught Violet’s eye and waved her over, but she shook her head and stayed where she was. She almost looked reluctant to call attention to herself. Hero shrugged and gave it no mind, dancing by herself and waiting for the blond guy. She let her gaze fall on a tall man leaning against the wall. Her heart jolted when she realized it was John.

What the hell was he doing there? Hero didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t seen her yet. Out of the corner of her eye, Hero spotted Blond Guy heading towards her, and almost like it was in slow motion, John turned his gaze in her direction. This was all working out too well.

Hero shot a flirty smile at Blond Guy as he handed her a drink, leaning up to kiss him again. She knew John was looking at this point. Hero took a sip of her drink and glanced over. Yes, he was definitely still looking. She smiled to herself. If she managed to piss him off, then her night would not be wasted.

She locked eyes with him across the room, still dancing with Blond Guy. If he had ever looked surprised to see her, Hero found no signs of it. He kept his face blank and somber. Poor Blond Guy didn’t have a clue what was happening.

John looked away, taking a long swig from a bottle in his hand. Hero made out with Blond Guy for a while longer, trying desperately to shove down her memories with John. She didn’t think about the first time they had sex. She didn’t think about how safe he made her feel. She didn’t think about jumping out a window with him, and she especially didn’t think about him rejecting her. And it hurt. God, did it hurt.

The next time Hero looked, he was gone. Good, he _was_ jealous.

“Thanks for the drink,” she murmured into Blond Guy’s ear and left with Violet soon after. She smiled to herself when she heard him asking for her phone number.

Hero didn’t say a word on the way to Gemma’s apartment. Violet was so quiet that Hero had to look over a few times to make sure she was still there.

Hero stopped when they reached the building. Violet looked at her curiously.

“Aren’t you…?”

“I think I’ll stay out here for a while.”

“Okay. Well, just knock when you come up.” And with that, Violet disappeared up the stairs.

Hero didn’t know how long she remained on the sidewalk outside Gemma’s apartment building. She must’ve smoked about six or seven cigarettes. God, seeing John tonight had really thrown her off. It wasn’t like she expected to never see him again. The neighborhood wasn’t that big. Subconsciously, she knew she would run into him again at some point. It didn’t mean she had to be okay with it, though.

“Fuck this.” Hero spun around and marched to the shop down the street, where she bought a large bottle of whiskey and another pack of cigarettes. She was almost out, after all. And while she was pleasantly drunk, she needed to be more drunk.

The whiskey scorched her throat like fire and she coughed a few times, but Hero didn’t stop. She had to sink onto the sidewalk on the next block after a few minutes. She didn’t think she could support her weight anymore. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but it must’ve been pretty late, because there was hardly anyone around. Just a lone straggler walking past her every now and then, or a car driving by. The more she drank, the less it burned. The more she drank, the less she remembered.

And it was working just fine for her, too, until she happened to turn and find someone sitting next to her. She squinted to find it was John.

“Oh, fuck,” Hero heard herself saying quietly, her words slurred. She swallowed, trying to regain control of her senses. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Hero.” John looked down at her somberly. “How long have you been sitting here?”

She took a moment to answer, trying to remember if she was mad at him, and why. She couldn’t think of a reason. “Hmm, I dunno. What’re you doing here? Did you follow me?”

He shook his head quickly. “No! No. I didn’t. I just walked until I saw you.”

Hero grinned at John, her eyes unfocused. “I saw you!” She crowed. “At the, at the place.”

He looked down. “Yes, I saw you, too.”

She cheered. “What a small world, eh?”

“You’re drunk.”

She considered him for a moment. "Am I? I don’t really feel it.”

John sighed, running his hands down his face. He stared straight ahead of him.

He was right. She was so, so drunk. And she didn’t know what to do or what to say with him right next to her. Hero swallowed and stared ahead of her, too. She was the first to break the silence.

“Our last conversation…we said some things, didn’t we?”

“Yes.”

“What did I say?”

“That you didn’t want me anymore.”

“Oh.” At a loss for what to do, Hero took another drink of whiskey. She groaned as it went down.  “Right.”

He still wouldn’t look at her. “You don’t remember, do you?”

“Not at the moment.”

John swore under his breath. Hero wished she wasn’t piss drunk for this conversation, but at the same time, felt glad she was.

“So…what are you still doing here?” Hero dared to ask.

He shook his head again. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.” He started to get up, but Hero grabbed his sleeve.

“Wait.” Hero looked into his eyes. They were grey again. “How are…are you getting on okay?”

“I suppose.”

“Right. Right. Good. That’s good.”

“See you.” He stood up, kept his eyes on her for another moment, then walked away.

She watched him get smaller and smaller as he headed down the street, and then disappear altogether as he turned a corner.  

“I’m sorry,” Hero whispered, to who, she didn’t know. All she knew was that it was cold and the ground was hard, and the bottle was half empty and she didn’t think she could stand up without falling over again. So she was forced to remain on the sidewalk.

She’d thought that the more she drank, the less she would hurt. But she proved herself wrong. She hurt more now, if that was even possible. God, why did he have to show up at the worst possible time?

The next thing Hero knew, Violet had an arm around her and was half carrying her up the stairs to Gemma’s apartment.

“Violet!” Hero cheered loudly. “What’s up, mate?”

Violet quickly shushed her. “We gotta get you to bed.”

She protested, trying to be quieter. But Violet didn’t listen to her, and before Hero realized, she was on the bed. Her cigarette pack and bottle were nowhere to be found. The twins were sound asleep, Hero saw.

“Ohhh, shhhh,” Hero whispered loudly, holding a finger to her lips. Violet nodded at her, trying to look patient.

“Go to bed now, Poppy. Have some water.” Violet made her take a few sips.

“G’night,” Hero murmured happily before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked the new characters! leave a comment letting me know what you think :)


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